IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many contries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#contries #governments #technology #government #money
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It is true that many nation's governments are spending on
technology
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 in order to cope with the public. The root cause of
this
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 is the increasing problems in
society
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.
However
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, I believe
this
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 is an inappropriate use of the
government
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 budget, as
technology
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 will mitigate the
government
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's role on the ground. The major cause of
this
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 development is the rising of immediate problems in the public.
While
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 the
government
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's human resources around the world are mostly inadequate,
this
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 leads to limitations in solving social problems effectively.
As a result
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,
technology
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 is utilised to deal with it.
Moreover
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,
technology
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, especially artificial intelligence.
This
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 advanced
technology
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 has no ability to feel which makes it suitable to solve social issues in a fair and appropriate way.
Therefore
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, using
technology
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 to deal with the public is an upward trend, as it can contribute to the
government
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 employees and
also
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 take fair measures in order to do its mission in facing
society
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.
Nevertheless
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, investing in
technology
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 is not a wise option for governments.
This
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 obviously alleviates the value of the
government
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 in the public eye, as
technology
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 is still misunderstood and unaccepted by
society
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 for the most part, especially the old. If
technology
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 is familiar to everyone, people will depend heavily on them which leads to
technology
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 domination on humans. At that time, there will be no return and people will be controlled by the
technology
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. Elon Musk is a perfect example of
this
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, he shows restlessness on
technology
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's dark side when he says that the robot will take control of the whole population in the near future. On balance,
technology
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 has been ubiquitously used by the
government
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 recently, as it is beneficial for the lack of
government
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 workers.
In contrast
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, it exerts a negative view of the future that should not be overlooked. In my opinion,
technology
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 is a good use to solve social issues, but it should not be abused too excessively
due to
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 its relevant negative impacts on
society
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.

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Task Achievement
Be cautious when generalizing about technology's impacts without specific examples or clear explanations. Incorporating more varied examples or case studies could enhance your argument's clarity and relevance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider breaking down your ideas into more distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. This will improve readability and organization.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. This will strengthen the cohesion of your essay.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction sets the stage for the topic effectively, clearly stating your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
You make a strong effort to address both sides of the argument, which is good for task response.
Logical Structure
The essay structure is logical, with a clear progression from introduction to conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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