IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subject. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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One point of view supports that it is beneficial to
study
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 deeply and more about their professions in the
university
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,
while
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 others say that they should learn
as well as
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 different
subjects
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.
This
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 essay will argue that
although
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 focusing on a particular
field
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 of
education
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 makes
students
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 highly qualified, I strongly agree that
students
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, who learn more about other
subjects
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 or fields, will be creative and in-demand specialists in the
future
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. On the one hand, studying
subjects
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 related to a particular
profession
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 can make you a highly qualified specialist in the
future
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.
In other words
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, if you spent more hours and time learning only your
field
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 of
education
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 during
studies
Correct pronoun usage
your studies
show examples
 at the
university
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, you would know more information about your
profession
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.
As a result
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, it makes you the master of your
field
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.
For instance
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, in Almaty,
students
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 at Kazakh National
University
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 can choose their direction of
profession
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 after 2 years of
education
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. Thereby, they
study
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 deeply about their
field
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.
On the other hand
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, studying other
subjects
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 when you have more energy and strengths, makes you a broad-minded and
future
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 sought-after professional.
That is
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 to say, in order to be a creative specialist in the 21st century, you need to know a lot about other industries too.
Moreover
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, the broad mind and creative skills of
students
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 can make them as high-demanded
future
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 specialists, because the new generation has fresh ideas and they should
study
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 different
subjects
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 at
university
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. As an example, in Almaty,
students
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 of Almaty Management
University
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study
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 different
subjects
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, which are not related to their
field
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 of
education
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 for 4 years and because of that, they have different soft and hard skills.
Therefore
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, many companies provide them
good
Change preposition
with good
show examples
 job offers. In conclusion, it is argued that it is important to learn more
subjects
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 related to the particular
profession
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,
while
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 others feel that it is better to know more about other fields if
students
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 want to. I absolutely agree with
this
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 statement and think that universities should provide the right to choose several
subjects
Use synonyms
 for
students
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.

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task achievement
In your introduction, you clearly present both viewpoints and your stance on the topic. However, you could strengthen the introduction by outlining the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your body paragraphs are logically structured, but some sentences could be more concise. For example, 'On the one hand, studying subjects related to a particular profession can make you a highly qualified specialist in the future' could be shortened to 'Studying subjects related to a profession can make you a highly qualified specialist.'
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has one clear central idea. Occasionally, you combined two ideas in one paragraph, which can detract from the clarity. For instance, your second body paragraph discusses both the benefits of broad learning and the need for creativity, which could be split into separate sections.
task achievement
Conclude each main point emphatically to reinforce your argument. Consider summarizing the main points briefly before moving to a new idea or the conclusion to better seal your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear and strong introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
relevant specific examples
Your use of examples is effective and adds credibility to your arguments. For example, referring to specific universities in Almaty helps provide concrete evidence for your points.
logical structure
Overall, your essay flows well, with each paragraph connecting logically to the next. For instance, the transition from discussing deep knowledge to broad knowledge is smooth and natural.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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