In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing polulation creates problems for government. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #polulation #government #society #population

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In recent times, numerous countries

are

Verb problem

have

show examples

witnessing

Wrong verb form

witnessed

show examples

increased longevity, leading to a

population

Use synonyms

larger

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

elderly people.

While

Linking Words

some argue that an ageing

population

Use synonyms

poses difficulties for the

gorvernment

Correct your spelling

government

, others believe it brings a host of social benefits.

Although

Linking Words

the older generation may impose a burden on healthcare systems,

this

Linking Words

essay contends that, despite the obstacles, the social benefits including

experience

Use synonyms

and economic contribution far outweigh the drawbacks. The first compelling advantage of an ageing

population

Use synonyms

is the wisdom and

experience

Use synonyms

they bring to society. Older individuals are invaluable resources for the younger generation as they possess a lifetime of knowledge. They have a deep

enderstanding

Correct your spelling

understanding

of cultural practices, historical events and traditional values that can preserve the nation's heritage.

For instance

Linking Words

, in Japan, a

coutry

Correct your spelling

country

with a third of the

population

Use synonyms

being old, who serve as the custodians of Japanese customs and language, and ensure that these things are passed on to the future generations.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the elderly can take mentoring roles, guiding the younger

population

Use synonyms

in various aspects of life, be it personal or professional. Their accumulated

experience

Use synonyms

makes them great advisors thereby boosting the productivity of the youth, leading to a developed society.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, it propels the country towards economic growth. In

counrtries

Correct your spelling

countries

like France, programs have been initiated to match elderly individuals with young students for mentorship, resulting in

enhances

Wrong verb form

enhanced

show examples

social cohesion, personal growth and economic development. Despite the aforementioned benefit, it is essential to acknowledge that the elderly demographic does present certain challenges for governments. One of the primary concerns is the strain on healthcare systems. As the elderly require increased medical attention, governments must allocate significant amounts of resources to support

this

Linking Words

growing demographic.

This

Linking Words

financial burden is particularly evident in developing countries like China, where the escalating percentage of the older

population

Use synonyms

is leading to debates about the decrease in the country's national wealth. In conclusion, despite the challenges

in particular

Linking Words

areas of healthcare systems, the wealth of

experience

Use synonyms

and wisdom offered by the older generation, which enriches

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society,

fostering

Wrong verb form

fosters

show examples

cultural protection and economic progress has profound and widespread benefits

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Apr 15 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Accuracy

Ensure to proofread your essay to correct minor typographical errors (e.g., 'gorvernment' should be 'government', 'enderstanding' should be 'understanding', 'coutry' should be 'country', 'counrtries' should be 'countries'). These are very minor but correcting them can make your essay even more polished.

Detailing

Try to incorporate a wider range of specific examples and statistics to support your arguments further. The example of Japan is excellent, but adding quantitative data or more varied examples from different sectors or countries could provide stronger support for your points.

Balance

Consider exploring the counterarguments in a bit more depth. While you've acknowledged the challenges posed by an ageing population, a more detailed exploration could provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

Introduction

You've made a strong opening statement and effectively outlined the essay structure, which immediately sets a clear and coherent framework for your discussion.

Examples

You've effectively utilized specific examples, such as the role of the elderly in Japan and mentoring programs in France, to illustrate your points.

Flow and Cohesion

Your essay flows logically from one paragraph to the next, making good use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

350 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.
Existance of poors damages both groups, the rich and the poor. Over the last decades we can see powerful countries are trying to protect and help developing countries. They are insisting on that all countries should be developed and the power should be balanced between them. It is obvious that countries help each other, especially poorers to make this balance. I think it is an excellent idea, poorer countries will be improved and world dicipline can be handled easier. I believe it helps poorer economies to stay well as western countries are.
7
band
The Vital Role of Banking in Promoting Economic Growth and Development.
The banking system is a complex structure that plays a vital role in promoting economic growth and development. At its core, it is designed to facilitate the flow of money between saving and borrowing individuals, serving two main categories of customers: savers and borrowers. Although these two groups may seem disparate, their interactions are inextricably linked, forming a symbiotic relationship that is the lifeblood of the banking system.
7.5
band
in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, the average lifespan has been increasing all over the world. Some may argue that the ageing population creates difficulties for society, while others believe that it could lead to more merits for the public. This essay will discuss both views, before presenting my own.
<4
band
Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views!
There are many people who believe that ourselves are in charge of taking care of our health and diet. I do agree with this approach cause I think individuals should be responsible to this matter. But the next step, it is so important that government must make sure about healthy diet of their citizens. As well as, having supporting laws, strategies and action plans to improve the general rate of health in society. So, I do think some responsibilities are related to individuals but some are governance duties.
9
band
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.
A group of individuals present the view that youngsters who are allowed to decide and choose their preferences on different subjects such as food, clothing and entertainment tend to put their own wishes above others in the future, whereas others believe that children should be allowed to decide on things which are associated with them. I wholeheartedly agree with the latter opinion as it plays a vital role in their growth process.

Fully explain your ideas

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

The Vital Role of Banking in Promoting Economic Growth and Development.

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views!