In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing polulation creates problems for government. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent times, numerous countries
are
Verb problem
have
witnessing
increased longevity, leading to a Wrong verb form
witnessed
population
of larger
elderly people. Correct word choice
apply
While
some argue that an ageing population
poses difficulties for the gorvernment
, others believe it brings a host of social benefits. Correct your spelling
government
Although
the older generation may impose a burden on healthcare systems, this
essay contends that, despite the obstacles, the social benefits including experience
and economic contribution far outweigh the drawbacks.
The first compelling advantage of an ageing population
is the wisdom and experience
they bring to society. Older individuals are invaluable resources for the younger generation as they possess a lifetime of knowledge. They have a deep enderstanding
of cultural practices, historical events and traditional values that can preserve the nation's heritage. Correct your spelling
understanding
For instance
, in Japan, a coutry
with a third of the Correct your spelling
country
population
being old, who serve as the custodians of Japanese customs and language, and ensure that these things are passed on to the future generations.
Moreover
, the elderly can take mentoring roles, guiding the younger population
in various aspects of life, be it personal or professional. Their accumulated experience
makes them great advisors thereby boosting the productivity of the youth, leading to a developed society. As a consequence
, it propels the country towards economic growth. In counrtries
like France, programs have been initiated to match elderly individuals with young students for mentorship, resulting in Correct your spelling
countries
enhances
social cohesion, personal growth and economic development.
Despite the aforementioned benefit, it is essential to acknowledge that the elderly demographic does present certain challenges for governments. One of the primary concerns is the strain on healthcare systems. As the elderly require increased medical attention, governments must allocate significant amounts of resources to support Wrong verb form
enhanced
this
growing demographic. This
financial burden is particularly evident in developing countries like China, where the escalating percentage of the older population
is leading to debates about the decrease in the country's national wealth.
In conclusion, despite the challenges in particular
areas of healthcare systems, the wealth of experience
and wisdom offered by the older generation, which enriches the
society, Correct article usage
apply
fostering
cultural protection and economic progress has profound and widespread benefitsWrong verb form
fosters
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Accuracy
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct minor typographical errors (e.g., 'gorvernment' should be 'government', 'enderstanding' should be 'understanding', 'coutry' should be 'country', 'counrtries' should be 'countries'). These are very minor but correcting them can make your essay even more polished.
Detailing
Try to incorporate a wider range of specific examples and statistics to support your arguments further. The example of Japan is excellent, but adding quantitative data or more varied examples from different sectors or countries could provide stronger support for your points.
Balance
Consider exploring the counterarguments in a bit more depth. While you've acknowledged the challenges posed by an ageing population, a more detailed exploration could provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Introduction
You've made a strong opening statement and effectively outlined the essay structure, which immediately sets a clear and coherent framework for your discussion.
Examples
You've effectively utilized specific examples, such as the role of the elderly in Japan and mentoring programs in France, to illustrate your points.
Flow and Cohesion
Your essay flows logically from one paragraph to the next, making good use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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