Children should not have their own mobile phones or smartphones when they are in elementary school Do you agree or disagree with this statement ? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people feel that children who have not reached sixth grade should be prohibited from carrying mobile devices. In my opinion, supervised use is acceptable because smartphones are useful tools. The primary reason for carrying a telephone is communication, and
that is
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a valid reason for young kids to have a phone.
In particular
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, children can reach their parents on the phone if they are home alone or outside playing and if they have an emergency.
For example
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, my sister has a ten-year-old son who likes to ride a bicycle in the nearby park, and he carries a cellphone.
Last
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summer, one of his friends fell off his bike and hit his head. My sister’s son was able to call an ambulance and my sister. Thanks to his fast response, the adults came quickly , and the friend who had a concussion received the proper help needed.
Hence
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, mobile devices are valuable for connecting with others when needed. An additional reason for my stance is that most mobiles have applications that can help children study. Granted, kids might want to play video games, but parents can limit their access to unwanted programs. Parents can help select apps that fit with a child’s interests and skill level to supplement formal education in a school.
For instance
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, a young child who likes animals can learn more math through a program
that is
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set in a jungle and includes problems counting the animals.
Accordingly
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, learning applications can encourage creative thinking and nurture skills that will be helpful in any future career. In conclusion, as long as they are monitored, young individuals should be allowed to carry mobile devices before they reach sixth grade.

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task achievement
Include a clearer introduction that states your opinion explicitly. For example, say 'I agree that children should have mobile phones.'
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly connects to your main point with topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of sentence structures to improve readability and engage the reader more.
task achievement
Add some more specific examples or data to support your points stronger.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the story about your sister's son, is a strong point and clearly illustrates your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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