Deforestration caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem ?
Due to
humanity
factors, we lost myriad forests all around the world. Replace the word
human
Also
, it brought to us extensive damage to vegatation
in many areas. So, we have to do something urgently to find a way out. In Correct your spelling
vegetation
this
artical
, I will discuss about my Correct your spelling
article
opinons
.
Correct your spelling
opinions
opinion
Firstly
, we know, people have to the something to survive. That is
why, we build buildings and factories and also
, we cut down trees for heat in the modern world. However
, we should know about
all of these are really bad things for our Change preposition
that
heathy
and future Correct your spelling
health
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
While
folks doing something, need to think about the next generation.
Secondly
, states have to prepare new laws about surroundings
. Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
Also
, the public should be informed by governments. These education
should start with schools. Or, there must be ways to obtain energy without felling trees and destroying forests. Or, we should avoid Change the determiner
This education
emracing
city life, Correct your spelling
embracing
person
can prefer to live in Add an article
a person
the person
village
. Add an article
the village
a village
Thus
, families do not need to remove the forests. They can learn with in
nature and defend it.
Correct your spelling
within
Thirdly
, I am from Turkey and our founder
name is Mustafa Kemal Atatürk. He had a mansion in Bursa and there was a plane tree in front of the mansion. The plane had grown up and it had to be cut. Change noun form
founder's
However
, Mustafa Kemal Atatürk really cared about nature and green. So rather that
cut down the tree, he asked him to move the mansion. Correct word choice
than
Actually
that example Add a comma
Actually,
show
us the Change the verb form
shows
important
of nature. I always take Replace the word
importance
this
behavior
as an example.
In conclusion, soil nourishes us, gives oxygen, Change the spelling
behaviour
protect
us...etc. Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
While
it is doing so much
things, we just have to protect it and take care of it. In my opinion, Change the quantifier
many
this
can only be possible with education. And education
starts in Correct word choice
Education
family
.Add an article
the family
Submitted by ecem.tekben on
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Language Use
Be mindful of spelling, grammar, and word choice to ensure your writing is clear and professional. For instance, 'humanity factors' should be 'human factors', 'vegatation' should be 'vegetation', and 'artical' should be 'article'.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and all sentences in the paragraph should support that idea.
Task Response
When giving examples or suggesting solutions, ensure they are clearly explained and directly related to the topic. Avoid vague recommendations and support your points with specific, concise details.
Structure
You have introduced the topic and provided a conclusion that restates your main points, which is good practice in essay writing.
Use of Examples
The use of a personal example (Mustafa Kemal Atatürk's story) adds a unique perspective to your essay and illustrates your viewpoint effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example