Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

With more developed countries emphasizing
on
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apply
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building up their economies, there are different voices
raising
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rising
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from citizens that
progress
in other
aspect
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aspects
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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playing an important role for a
country
too. In my opinion, I believe having a good
economy
is always the first priority in a
country
's development.
Firstly
, when a
country
has
good
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a good
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economy
, it will bring tremendous advantages. When the
country
has more resources, it can increase the level of allowance for citizens. At the same time, it
also
allows the
country
to have multiple projects for their residents.
For instance
,
Hong
Correct article usage
the Hong
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Kong government is wealthy. They will spend money on libraries
as well as
the beach and sports centre. These kinds of facilities can improve the quality of living.
Therefore
, a
country
has economic
progress
should be the first priority.
On the other hand
,
advance
Wrong verb form
advancing
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in other areas is important for a
country
too. There are no government only growth in their
economy
. They will improve education, welfare, environment.
However
, all of the breakthrough requires money as well.
For instance
, if I would like to improve education, I need to pay for the teachers and build schools. All of
these stuff
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this stuff
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require
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requires
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a stable
economy
in order to provide enough resources.
Therefore
, it is important that a
country
has enough finance to support its
progress
.
To sum up
, even though some people might believe other types of growth are
similar
Change the adjective
similarly
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important for a
country
's development. I strongly believe that economic
progress
is the most important goal for countries.
Submitted by oscar77734644 on

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Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure a more nuanced analysis of the topic, integrating more diverse perspectives and a deeper exploration of why economic progress might prioritize or balance with other forms of progress.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures more and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively addressing the essay prompt.
Task Achievement
You've done well in offering relevant examples to support your points, particularly with references to Hong Kong and its investments in community facilities.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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