Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
With more developed countries emphasizing
on
building up their economies, there are different voices Change preposition
apply
raising
from citizens that Correct your spelling
rising
progress
in other aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
are
playing an important role for a Unnecessary verb
apply
country
too. In my opinion, I believe having a good economy
is always the first priority in a country
's development.
Firstly
, when a country
has good
Add an article
a good
economy
, it will bring tremendous advantages. When the country
has more resources, it can increase the level of allowance for citizens. At the same time, it also
allows the country
to have multiple projects for their residents. For instance
, Hong
Kong government is wealthy. They will spend money on libraries Correct article usage
the Hong
as well as
the beach and sports centre. These kinds of facilities can improve the quality of living. Therefore
, a country
has economic progress
should be the first priority.
On the other hand
, advance
in other areas is important for a Wrong verb form
advancing
country
too. There are no government only growth in their economy
. They will improve education, welfare, environment. However
, all of the breakthrough requires money as well. For instance
, if I would like to improve education, I need to pay for the teachers and build schools. All of these stuff
Change the determiner
this stuff
require
a stable Change the verb form
requires
economy
in order to provide enough resources. Therefore
, it is important that a country
has enough finance to support its progress
.
To sum up
, even though some people might believe other types of growth are similar
important for a Change the adjective
similarly
country
's development. I strongly believe that economic progress
is the most important goal for countries.Submitted by oscar77734644 on
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Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure a more nuanced analysis of the topic, integrating more diverse perspectives and a deeper exploration of why economic progress might prioritize or balance with other forms of progress.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures more and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively addressing the essay prompt.
Task Achievement
You've done well in offering relevant examples to support your points, particularly with references to Hong Kong and its investments in community facilities.