IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Currently many people fail to balance their work with other parts of life. What are the causes? Are there any consequences?

#people #balance #work #parts #life #consequences
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In contemporary discourse, the topic of family and
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
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 balance has emerged as a focal point of discussion, prompting varied opinions and perspectives.
This
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 essay aims to explore and evaluate different viewpoints on
this
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 widely discussed topic, providing insight into its complexities and implications. At the forefront of the discussion is the perspective advocating for
this
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 cause is
Correct article usage
an increased
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increased
Replace the word
increase
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 in inflation. Proponents argue that covid-19 disaster has affected a lot of businesses and it's hard for people to earn bread and butter nowadays.
For instance
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, there is a drastic change in interest rate and it is almost doubled than it was back in 2020. The masses are not able to pay their mortgage loan
due to
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hike
Correct article usage
a hike
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 in
price
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the price
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 of everything so they have to work some extra hours to meet the financial
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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 of the family.
Additionally
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employers are demanding
for
Change preposition
apply
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high productivity
at
Change preposition
in
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workplace
Add an article
the workplace
a workplace
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 which in turn,
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
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 birth to stress and depression, which
further
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 strengthens
this
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 viewpoint as breadwinners cannot provide enough time
to
Change preposition
for
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 their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 and kids.
However
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,
this
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 less socialisation has enlarged the issues in
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 as couples don't have time to communicate with each other.
As a result
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, it is evident that the courts are full
with
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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divorce applications as habitants
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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failed
in maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
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 their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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due to
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this
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 problem. Some people are forced to sell their homes and there was a
men
Change the noun form
man
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 in Brisbane who has
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 suicide in the
last
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 year
due to
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 the mortgage stress. In light of the discussion, it is evident that
this
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 work-life integration presents a nuanced landscape of contrasting
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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. After careful consideration, the weight of evidence appears to
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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is
Correct your spelling
his
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 time management skills.
This
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 is substantiated by communicating with your partner and family.
Submitted by kaurv083 on

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Introduction
Try to provide a clear introduction that outlines the main points your essay will cover. A stronger thesis statement can guide the reader on what to expect.
Coherence
Work on creating clearer connections between paragraphs for smoother transitions. This helps in maintaining the flow of your essay and enhancing reader understanding.
Conclusion
Incorporate a conclusion that summarizes the key points made in the essay and reinforces your main argument. This addition will provide closure to your discussion.
Supporting Examples
Although you've included relevant examples to support your ideas, try to ensure they are fully explained and directly linked to the question. This strengthens the overall argument of your essay.
Task Response
You've effectively identified and discussed various causes and consequences of the failure to balance work with other parts of life, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes pertinent examples that illustrate the impact of poor work-life balance on families and individuals.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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