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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
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Most of the younger generation nowadays are progressing in terms of their health and wealth but they are not genuinely happy.
This
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 essay will identify what are the possible causes of
this
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 problem and highlight the viable solutions to
this
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 phenomenon. First of all, it is undeniable that the growing pressure
that is
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 coming from social media can greatly affect how one perceives happiness. Younger people tend to be more conscious of themselves in relation to how they look and what they have achieved in life because of what they can see on social networking sites. Because of
this
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, they forget what it truly means to be young and are more interested
on
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in
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 how to keep up with what is trending on the internet.
On the other hand
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, the following solutions have been identified to address the causes listed above. Parents could set restrictions on
to
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apply
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what type of content their children can access on the internet. It should be agreed between the parent and the child in order to prevent a strained
relstionship
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relationship
 between them. It is
also
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 suggested to find activities to divert their attention rather than being on their phone all day. In conclusion, happiness is equally important as
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having a
sucessful
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successful
 career and good physical health.
Submitted by joycegacho on

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Content Development
Expand on your ideas by providing more detailed examples or evidence for each cause and solution you propose. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
Language Usage
Consider varying your sentence structure to add complexity and interest to your writing. This can make your essay more engaging for the reader.
Ideas Expansion
Try to explore a wider range of causes and solutions to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the issue. This can help to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Structure
Your essay effectively addresses the topic with a clear structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
You have a solid introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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