The use of smartphone is decreasing our collective intelligence because we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Due to
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the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way
therefore
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the lifestyle of people has changed a lot in the past few decades. In the midst of change , smartphones play an integral part in our lives . Smartphones help us to connect with people from all across the globe , help us to work from home with the help of the internet and many more . In the present scenario , society has been divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different folks . It can be seen that a colossal number of folks claim that advanced technology is a blessing to human society meanwhile ,
on the contrary
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, some communities Accord that smart tech like smartphones affects our collective intelligence
as well as
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development. There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
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proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Task Response
While your introduction provides a broad overview, delve deeper into how smartphones specifically influence our cognitive abilities. Expand on how dependency on technology might diminish personal analytical or memory capacities.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using varied transitional phrases to seamlessly connect ideas across paragraphs. Although your essay has a logical flow, this could make the progression of ideas even smoother.
Task Response
Support your arguments with more concrete examples. While you mentioned the dual perspectives on technology, including specific studies, statistics, or real-life scenarios could strengthen your argumentation.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider adding a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your stance and the key points discussed. A clear conclusion will help reinforce your argument and provide closure to the reader.
Task Response
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the centrality of smartphones in modern life and presenting the debate on their impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure is commendable, with a clear distinction between different viewpoints. This structure aids in presenting a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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