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Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? #consequence #care #people #life #expectancy

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It is utterly undeniable that improved medical care has
help
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helped
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human
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humans
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 live longer and life expectancy is extending.
This
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 phenomenon has both strengths and
weakness
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weaknesses
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, from my perspective, the latter
are
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is
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 more dominant.
To begin
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 with, the increase in
people
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's life expectancy has several disadvantages .
Firstly
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, the planet will be overburdened with humans . In
particularly
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particular
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, the elderly
population
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 will dominate society over time as the old now live longer and the young will grow old.
As a result
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,
this
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 large of
number
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people
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in
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on
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 the earth will lead to
shortage
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a shortage
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 of accommodations and lands which is impossible to expand.
Secondly
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, the increase in the elderly
population
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 will cause
the
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a
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 lack of balance in age groups. There will be a small
of
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apply
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number
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a number
the number
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 of
yound
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young
 individuals who can be
responible
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responsible
 for developing the world.
Lastly
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,
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population
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the population
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 would be exacerbated in the future
due to
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 the alarming rise in the
number
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 of
the
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apply
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middle-age
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middle-aged
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 and elderly.
On the other hand
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, the innovation of medical care that
make
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makes
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people
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livenlonger
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live longer
 and expand life
expenctancy
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expectancy
also
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 has a
number
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 of advantages.
Firstly
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, because
cruel
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the cruel
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 situation
on
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apply
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these day
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this day
these days
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,
people
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healthe
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heal the
health
healthy
 suffer
a
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from a
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lot of diseases
frorm
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from
 both external and internal factors.
For example
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, the pollution from environment has
negative
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a negative
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 influence on physical health
while
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 the pressure in
workplace
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the workplace
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 adversely impacts
on
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apply
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menatl
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mental
 health. All of them
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finally is
Verb problem
are
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 not good for
human
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humans
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 and
the
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apply
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help from improved medical
acre
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care
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 can handle it to some extent. With all of the aforementioned theses and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident. I believe that the explosion of the
aging
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ageing
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population
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 has both downsides and upsides;
however
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, the limitations
is
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are
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 far more dominant.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate your language skills.
Task Achievement
Focus on developing your ideas more fully with detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
General
Be attentive to small grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that can detract from the clarity of your message.
Task Achievement
Consider balancing the discussion between advantages and disadvantages to provide a more nuanced argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt and acknowledges both sides of the argument, which is excellent for task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Language Use
You've utilized a good range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • medical care
  • quality of life
  • manageable
  • curable
  • economic strain
  • aging population
  • social security
  • workforce challenges
  • sustainability
  • overpopulation
  • environmental issues
  • standards of living
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