IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a biolent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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disagree with the statement that says young
people
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 who commit some important crimes,
such
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 as robbery or violent attack should be penalised as
adults
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.
This
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 essay will explore several reasons for that matter.
Firstly
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, a young
person
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 is not adult enough to completely get insights about some crucial affairs
such
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 as crime;
Therefore
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, it will not be fair to judge them in the same procedure as
adults
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 in crime cases. When I was young
for instance
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, I only prioritised my self-interest, and
then
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 after years, I became a more understanding
person
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 with more higher level of consciousness. In brief, my opinion is clear that young individuals may make some mistakes even serious crimes but by giving them a chance they may correct themselves as my experience shows ,
hence
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 it is not an affair for them to punish them as
adults
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.
Secondly
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, a juvenile has the potential to contribute to
society
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due to
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 the fact that they are young the authorities must work on providing proper education for these
people
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 to reintroduce them back to
society
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.
Furthermore
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, I believe that they perform some unlawful actions because for of them are not educated enough . Educating those young criminals is important to making them correct,so they will be better
people
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 for
society
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.
For example
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, I recommend constructing organizations that young attend and learn about the unfavourable effects of criminal actions that a
person
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deals
Correct subject-verb agreement
deal
show examples
 with. To some degree, it may protect the young generation from criminal actions.
Due to
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 these reasons, a young
person
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 should not be punished
similarly
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 to
adults
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.
To conclude
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, I reiterate that teenagers should not be chastised as
adults
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 because they are still young means there is time to fix themselves whatever they did the path of truth is open to them , and it is not fair to judge them the same way as
adults
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. Another reason is that young
people
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 have the full potential to put something useful in
society
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, and creating educative organizations is essential to address
this
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 problem.

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coherence cohesion
It would be beneficial to polish the organization of your essay. Ensure that you have a clear and concise introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that makes the main idea of that paragraph clear.
task achievement
Although your ideas are clear, providing more well-developed examples could enhance your arguments. For instance, use specific incidents or statistics to back up your points more effectively.
task achievement
You've provided a clear stance on the topic and addressed it throughout the essay.
task achievement
Usage of personal experience is good as it makes the essay more relatable and engaging.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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