There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued by many that sports subjects and cooking should not be part of the school curriculum so that students can focus more on their studies.
This
essay will disagree with
this
statement because
such
courses help maintain fitness
as well as
develop skills for future careers. On the one hand, one significant advantage of having sports as a course is that it helps keep students fit and healthy. The reason is that dealing with a great load of work related to preparing for exams could be stressful.
For example
, studies have proven that most schools have physical education as a subject at least two times a week, had a majority of their students perform well during their examination period.
Consequently
, because they were physically activity it helped them destress from problems caused by academic courses.
On the other hand
, another major reason why cookery should not be removed is that it helps individuals acquire new skills of their interest. Having courses that can give the opportunity to the young ones to practice at a young age so that they may one day pursue a career.
For Instance
, the famous chef Ramzee had cookery classes during his secondary education alongside other subjects.
As a result
, because of his passion for cooking, he became a famous chef. In conclusion, in my opinion, non-academic subjects
such
as sports and cooking are essential for keeping the young ones in good health
as well as
for them to develop valuable skills that can benefit them in the future
Submitted by sara.elkhansa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider using more linking phrases or words like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore.'
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed explanations and examples to better support your main points. This will help elaborate on your arguments and make the essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and punctuation to improve the overall clarity of your essay, such as missing spaces after full stops and overused commas.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction presents a clear stance, effectively setting up the argument for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion nicely summarizes the main arguments and clearly states your opinion.
supported main points
The main points are relevant and justified, with suitable examples that strengthen your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: