IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children . Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#computer #effects #children #answers
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Technology optimization in helping our daily activities has been increasing lately. Computer, tablet, smartphone, you named it.
This
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 trend has kept going strong since COVID-19 hit, when people spent most of their time at home. The technology is not only used for professional needs but
also
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 for educational purposes. As far as I know, some schools in my hometown already have a policy which needs to utilize computers for some of their courses.
This
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 helps the children look for the information they need much easier and faster.
Additionally
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, some teachers can
also
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 give extra online courses to help students with their scores.
However
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, the negative effects of daily computer use cannot be overlooked. One major concern is the impact on physical health. Prolonged screen time can lead to issues
such
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 as eye strain, poor posture, and sedentary behaviour, contributing to obesity and other health problems. I personally support the idea of utilizing computers effectively and efficiently. It can help minimise physical printing, which can
also
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 contribute to a better environment. Less paper means less waste. Other than that, teachers and developers can collaborate to create various types of educational applications, providing a wide range of learning topics. In conclusion, I believe technologies can bring a greater cause for humanity as long as we utilize them wisely. My recommendation for the school is to have a mix of learning activities which include physical activity.
Thus
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, the children can experience social interaction with their peers.
This
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 will bring a great balance to their training routine.
Submitted by brendaandrina on

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task achievement
Though your response is well-structured, ensure that all arguments are closely related to the essay prompt. For instance, you mentioned the environmental benefits of less paper usage, which, although valid, does not address the role of daily computer use for children specifically.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but they're not always directly related to the core argument of whether computers have more negative or positive effects on children. Try to stay focused on the primary topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is coherent and logically structured, consider adding more explicit transitions between paragraphs to make the flow even smoother.
coherence cohesion
You have a good introduction and conclusion that frame your essay effectively. Keep ensuring that these sections clearly summarize the core arguments.
task achievement
Try to integrate more relevant specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could include specific instances where computer use has negatively impacted children you know or examples from research.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure that makes it easy to follow your line of thinking.
coherence cohesion
You have an effective introduction and conclusion that provide a meaningful frame for your essay.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported and clear, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You include personal experiences and examples, which make your argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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