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Band 3.5

Some people say that education and heath care should be the responsibility of the goverment but other thinks that it is the responsibility of the individuals themseves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #education #heath #care #responsibility #goverment #individuals #themseves
In
this
 contemporary epoch ,Education and health
sectors
 are paramount in people's lives. Education is the most powerful asset of a person meanwhile health is wealth . It seems pretty controversial how education and health
sectors
 can be funded and improved. There is a colossal number of crowds who claim that
such
sectors
 should be taken care of by the government
while
on the contrary
 , some communities Accord that individuals should be responsible for these
sectors
 . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . Whether to agree or not it's a thought-provoking question . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my notion.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Specific Examples
Try to offer specific examples and evidence to support the points you make, as this adds strength and clarity to your argument.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, with a clear topic sentence to introduce the point, followed by explanations or examples.
Introduction & Conclusion
Work on developing a clearer introduction and conclusion. Clearly state the topic and your opinion in the introduction, and succinctly summarize your arguments in the conclusion.
Expand Discussion
Expand your essay to fully address the question by discussing both views and providing your own opinion with justifications.
Topic Understanding
You've captured the importance of education and health effectively.
Language Potential
Your language use shows potential for strong persuasive writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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