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Band 4

Some people believe that older people bring benefits to the companies while others say that youngsters bring more. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #companies #youngsters
People
 seem to have contradictory views regarding whether older
people
 hold mere advantages
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 young citizens in the companies. I believe that the former point of view is more convincing and applicable in most contexts. Some
people
 advocate that elderly
people
 have better positives. In
such
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an age stage, they can fully appreciate the diversity and richness of different cultures
,
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apply
show examples
 and can adopt the perspective of the other party when encountering problems. They think about problems from multiple perspectives
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 improve their problem-solving skills and creativity, which
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 good for the corporation. Multi-dimensional thinking can
also
 enhance their critical thinking ability, and they will no longer adopt a simplistic or biased view of problems, even create more values and benefits for their
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
. Other
people
 support the idea that youngsters bring more merits to the companies. The first benefit is that it exposes studios to different opinions and
experience
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experiences
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, which
situmlates
Correct your spelling
stimulates
simulates
they
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them
show examples
 to be more active and learn more new things. They
also
be
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are
show examples
 motivated to challenge existing limits of norms and values, and even generate breakthrough innovations and achievements. In summary, from my viewpoint, both alternatives have some benefits, but in the majority of scenarios, the former is a more desirable option for individuals. I think that accepting benefits from every age group for job spaces is not only a moral duty
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 a wise investment for the future of humanity.
Submitted by cathyielts22 on

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Grammar
Remember to maintain consistency in your tense usage throughout the essay to ensure clarity.
Content Detail
To enhance your argument, include more specific examples illustrating the advantages of both older and younger employees in companies.
Spelling
Avoid typos and spells check your essay to improve its readability and professionalism.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure more to showcase a wider range of language skills and keep the reader engaged.
Task Response
You've effectively discussed both views on the topic, showing a balanced understanding.
Coherence
Your essay structure is clear, with a good use of paragraphs to separate ideas.
Conclusion
You provided a reasoned conclusion that reflects the discussion in your essay, effectively encapsulating your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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