IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #news #internet #newspaper #source #majority
Some
people
 believe
although
information
 can easily be accessed and spread through the
Internet
,
newspapers
 will continue to exist among the
news
 reader. I personally disagree with
this
 opinion because
newspapers
 cannot compete with the
Internet
 in terms of many features.
To begin
 with, the first thing that attracts
people
 to read a piece of
news
 on the
Internet
 because it is easy to
access
. With the presence of a connection to the
Internet
 and many options of portable devices
such
 as mobile phones or tablets can
access
information
 from the
Internet
.
For example
, we can easily update the real count from the latest presidential and legislative elections through our phones.
In addition
, many
news
 agencies already provide electronic
newspapers
 to meet the demands of the speed of
news
.
Moreover
, another benefit that we can get from reading a piece of
information
 through the
Internet
 is the experience that the
Internet
 offers. One limitation of a newspaper is that it cannot convey visual messages to the
people
 who read the
news
 on a regular basis. Meanwhile, the non-stop progress in the technology industry has unfolded the possibility to upload videos and voice records on various online websites so we can watch a live stream or replay videos of one event.
For instance
, we can watch a live stream from soccer matches or we can
access
 a replay video from the latest interviews of politicians which
newspapers
 cannot provide. In conclusion, I disagree that printed
newspapers
 would continue to be the crucial source of
information
while
people
 nowadays tend to choose to
access
 the
news
 from the
Internet
due to
 a lot of its benefits.
Submitted by ers.2024 on

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task achievement
Your points are well-developed and supported with examples. Keep working on making your examples even more specific to strengthen your argument.
coherence & cohesion
You've done a great job structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. For an even better result, try to ensure smoother transitions between your points and paragraphs.
language
Using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can help improve the readability and effectiveness of your essay. Consider incorporating synonyms and varying sentence lengths.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support your points.
coherence & cohesion
Clear structure with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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