IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries government are investing in new technology to deal with the public? Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government university?

#countries #government #technology #university
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It may indeed be true to claim
technology
 is increasingly becoming the focus of governments and citizens around the world. In my opinion, it is quite difficult to decide whether to support or reject the statement above because each system has its good and bad points. The essay will outline the reasons why for
this
 trend. What I put in priority is the merits which
technology
 brings about.
Initially
, it is vitally important that
the
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technology
 plays a crucial role in the development of any nation. Reliable and high-speed
technology
 access helps companies to improve their work productivity,
hence
, increasing their profits. A company could suffer from the loss of customers
due to
 poor internet. Connections. An area with a reliable internet connection would be more attractive to foreign investors. These days, international organizations tend to invest in
the
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areas which provide
a
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high-speed business
technology
 so that they can manage their business online. Despite the above-mentioned benefits, there exist some demerits that should be taken into consideration. The first and most obvious demerit is that there are other important sectors that require government money. Education and health care are more vital than
technology
 because they bring immediate advantages to ordinary people. There are millions of people who do not have the opportunity to access basic education or medical services.
Therefore
, the government should allocate more money to education and health care
instead
 of to improvement of
technology
 access. From what has been analyzed, it is obvious that the disadvantages of
technology
 are not able to compare with the advantages.

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task achievement
Consider a more focused thesis statement that explicitly states your view on government investment in technology.
task achievement
Include a stronger conclusion that summarises your arguments and clearly states your position.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is directly linked to the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing overall flow.
task achievement
You've successfully outlined the benefits and drawbacks of investing in technology, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Examples provided to support your points add relevance and depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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