IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries are investing new technology to deal with the public. Why it is happening? Do you think it is an appropriate use of goverment money?

#countries #technology #goverment #money
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In recent years, governments around the world
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 increasingly
investing
Wrong verb form
invested
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 in new technology in other to control the public. It happens because of higher demand for
efficiency
Use synonyms
, it is
also
Linking Words
 appropriate to spend money on machines because
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it can serve the public better. It must be understood that businesses and factories need to be productive and produce
higher quality
Add a hyphen
higher-quality
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 products.
This
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 demand
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
efficiency
Use synonyms
 and governments need to find a new method
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 production. New technologies
such
Linking Words
 as robots, AIs and machines are mostly responsible for repetitive tasks,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 paperwork and
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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efficiency
Use synonyms
. Robots can be programmed to do these tasks and work.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can save time and enhance quality.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, there is a robot called “Luna”. It is
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
show examples
use
Change the form of the verb
used
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 in car factories,
can
Correct word choice
and can
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 assemble faster than normal workers.
As a result
Linking Words
, it saves time and
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increases
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efficiency
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be an appropriate use of money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it can give the public better service. Recent technology provides a fascinating
experience
Use synonyms
 to
customers’
Change noun form
customers
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,
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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learning
Add an article
the learning
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experience
Use synonyms
 and can
increase
Use synonyms
 the companies’ profit.
For example
Linking Words
, the new museum in the USA has a hologram exhibition, where visitors can interact and learn about it. It provides an exciting
experience
Use synonyms
 to the customers and will definitely
increase
Use synonyms
 the profit.
To sum up
Linking Words
, new technology is invested
because
Change preposition
in because
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 of
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 demand
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
efficiency
Use synonyms
 and the governments want to find a new method to produce. It can
also
Linking Words
 give users better service and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 an exciting
experience
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on how these technologies specifically benefit public services beyond factories and museums to fully address the prompt.
linguistic range
Try to include a wider range of sentence structures and more varied vocabulary to enhance clarity and interest.
coherence
To improve coherence, use more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to another.
conclusion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points of your argument more distinctly, reinforcing your stance on the use of government money.
example usage
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the robot in Japan and the hologram exhibition in the USA, which makes your argument more persuasive.
task response
The essay directly addresses the questions posed by the topic, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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