The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

#phone #years #business #phones #forms

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The growth of mobile phone utilization in the

last

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decades has altered the manner of our lives,

communication

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, and even business. Using mobile

phones

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are

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show examples

widely considered the reason for

significant

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a significant

the significant

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number of social and health problems;

however

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, I affirm that the beneficial role of

the

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apply

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mobile

phones

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cannot be ignored even if they have caused some downsides.

Initially

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increment

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the increment

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employ of mobile

phones

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, better to say technology, has always been criticized

due to

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the fact that it is believed to have more drawbacks compared to its positive use.

For instance

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, many users claim that they are able to meet their family and friends online,

fulfill

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fulfil

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their business aims and make money which

make

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makes

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them able to save more time and energy,

nonetheless

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, the harmful effects of

this

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kind of

communication

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, encompassing social isolation, depression, and disillusionment cannot be overlooked.

On the other hand

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, it is obvious that the number of illnesses has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

escalated since the invention of mobile

phones

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has been enhanced.

For instance

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, the rate of obesity, cardiovascular diseases, mental disorders,

and

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apply

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etc. has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

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increased

due to

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the excessive use of mobile

phones

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and

being exposed

Wrong verb form

exposure

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the

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apply

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mobile radiation. Not only do we witness numerous physical issues, but

also

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, we can distinguish the increased number of social problems including

behavioral

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behavioural

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issues,

communication

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problems and

such

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things which are all the consequences of using mobile

phones

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. In conclusion, considering all

above-mentioned

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the above-mentioned

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matters, we cannot condone the effective role of mobile

phones

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and the ease they have brought in

communication

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and data interchange.

Additionally

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, I am inclined to approve that mobile

phones

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are useful devices but the way we use them can determine their negative or positive impacts.

Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on Tue Apr 16 2024

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Development

Try to provide more balanced examples and elaboration of both advantages and disadvantages to enhance clarity and depth of your discussion.

Logical Structure

Focus on linking your ideas more smoothly to ensure that your argument flows logically from one point to the next.

Cohesion

Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Grammar & Accuracy

Consider revising to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for better readability.

Response to Task

You have effectively addressed the topic and provided a clear stance on the argument, which is excellent for task achievement.

Structure

Your essay includes a solid introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.

Support

You've used examples and analyses to support your main points, enhancing the depth of your discussion.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

over-reliance
cyberbullying
screen time
data privacy
identity theft
financial fraud
eye strain
sleep disorders
chronic issues
productivity
notifications
validation
self-esteem

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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

In some countries student pay their fees by themselves but in some countries it has been paid by government

Some parents bring their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

All parents wants the best opportunities for their children, there are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children’s future

Some people view video games as harmful, while others believe they have positive impacts, such as enhancing educational skills. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.