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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

#phone #years #business #phones #forms
The growth of mobile phone utilization in the
last
 decades has altered the manner of our lives,
communication
, and even business. Using mobile
phones
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 widely considered the reason for
significant
Change the article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 number of social and health problems;
however
, I affirm that the beneficial role of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
phones
 cannot be ignored even if they have caused some downsides.
Initially
,
increment
Correct article usage
the increment
show examples
 employ of mobile
phones
, better to say technology, has always been criticized
due to
 the fact that it is believed to have more drawbacks compared to its positive use.
For instance
, many users claim that they are able to meet their family and friends online,
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their business aims and make money which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them able to save more time and energy,
nonetheless
, the harmful effects of
this
 kind of
communication
, encompassing social isolation, depression, and disillusionment cannot be overlooked.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that the number of illnesses has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
escalated since the invention of mobile
phones
 has been enhanced.
For instance
, the rate of obesity, cardiovascular diseases, mental disorders,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc. has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased
due to
 the excessive use of mobile
phones
 and
being exposed
Wrong verb form
exposure
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile radiation. Not only do we witness numerous physical issues, but
also
, we can distinguish the increased number of social problems including
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 issues,
communication
 problems and
such
 things which are all the consequences of using mobile
phones
. In conclusion, considering all
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
 matters, we cannot condone the effective role of mobile
phones
 and the ease they have brought in
communication
 and data interchange.
Additionally
, I am inclined to approve that mobile
phones
 are useful devices but the way we use them can determine their negative or positive impacts.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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Development
Try to provide more balanced examples and elaboration of both advantages and disadvantages to enhance clarity and depth of your discussion.
Logical Structure
Focus on linking your ideas more smoothly to ensure that your argument flows logically from one point to the next.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Grammar & Accuracy
Consider revising to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for better readability.
Response to Task
You have effectively addressed the topic and provided a clear stance on the argument, which is excellent for task achievement.
Structure
Your essay includes a solid introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
Support
You've used examples and analyses to support your main points, enhancing the depth of your discussion.
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