IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Nowadays, in an era of numerous breakthroughs in all areas of
science
, some individuals would like to have these achievements in free access.
However
, others disagree with
this
 and estimate new
information
 from the scientific world
such
 a value, which should not be spread with no charge.
This
 essay will discuss both opposite ideas and give my concluding view. On the one hand, getting
information
 about different kinds of surveys or discoveries
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free,
for example
, from the Internet means a lot to scientists. Nowadays, it is impossible for people in
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 world to create an article without any background from previous researchers
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
show examples
 field of
science
.
For instance
, modern physicists in the really complex area of quantum mechanics always use data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 molecules and atomic distribution, which was obtained by another scientist or group of researchers.
Therefore
,
this
 allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
me to
show examples
 spare time on computer calculations and continue the research with the references to used
information
.
On the other hand
, free access to shared
information
 causes plagiarism and unfair attribution of achievement. The most remarkable merits in
science
 usually deserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big awards,
such
 as
Nobel
Correct article usage
the Nobel
show examples
 Prize. If someone, who
pretend
Correct subject-verb agreement
pretends
show examples
 to make a breakthrough for mankind, will share the ideas or calculations of
project
Correct article usage
the project
show examples
, another person may take the concept and use it in the wrong way. There are a huge amount of examples of
such
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 in physics and chemistry, which occurred in the 19th-20th century, the
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 of these fields of
science
.
Finally
, many scientists
left
Add a missing verb
were left
show examples
 with nothing, because others passed off their brilliant ideas as their own. In conclusion, I believe that sharing
information
 is more reasonable for humanity, as it will help to create something new by using previous research, than seekers who do not value someone else's work.
Submitted by pusheen.sveta on

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Introduction
Aim to expand on your introduction by including a brief outline of your key points. This will guide the reader through your essay with greater clarity.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This enhances the overall cohesion of your essay.
Balance of Discussion
While discussing both views, ensuring a balanced treatment is crucial. Consider dedicating a similar amount of detail and development to each perspective before stating your own viewpoint.
Examples
Make sure to support your arguments with more detailed examples. While you provided general support, creating specific, real-world examples can greatly strengthen your position.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, providing a clear stance on the topic.
Language Use
You've used a variety of sentence structures, which keeps the reader engaged and demonstrates language flexibility.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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