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Writing Samples
Band 2

some people think that children should only read academic book. other believe that reading books for pleasure is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opi nion. #people #children #book #books #pleasure #opi #nion

#people #children #book #books #pleasure #opi #nion
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Education is the most powerful asset of a person. Educated youth is the backbone of the nation. In the midst of change , society has divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different folks . There is a colossal number of people who
Believe
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believe
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 that children should spend their time reading only academic books meanwhile
on the contrary
 , numerous citizens believe that children should read books for their pleasure There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion. Somewhere I vehemently believe that reading books is for academic purposes
as well as
 for entertainment . In the succeeding monograph,
i
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I
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 intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my notion
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay introduction effectively sets the stage for a discussion on the topic. To improve, ensure that you present your opinion more clearly here to immediately guide the reader.
Task Achievement
You've shown an understanding of the task by discussing both views, but to reach a higher score, expand your discussion with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This demonstrates in-depth understanding and engagement with the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structuring of your essay shows a good foundation, but to enhance coherence and cohesion, try to link ideas more smoothly. Use transitional phrases to connect paragraphs and ideas more clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
To strengthen your main points, support them with more specific examples or evidence. This could involve citing studies, historical examples, or personal anecdotes to make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully addresses both views mentioned in the prompt, providing a balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have made a commendable effort to structure your essay with an introduction and a conclusion, which is crucial for readers to understand the flow of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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