IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while others think there are other better way to remain fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion. #people #gym

#people #gym
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way
therefore
 the lifestyle of
people
 has changed a lot in the past few years . There is an old saying that 'health is wealth '. In the midst of change ,
people
 become very health conscious . In
this
 contemporary epoch , society has been divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different folks. There is a colossal number of
people
 who believe that
people
 can stay fit by going to the gym meanwhile some citizens claim that there some other ways to stay healthy
such
 as healthy eating habits or a healthy diet . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that the essay has both an introduction and a conclusion to effectively frame your discussion.
Use of Examples
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the clarity and impact of your essay.
Development of Ideas
Develop your ideas fully in relation to both views and your own opinion to meet the task achievement criterion more effectively.
Topic Clarity
You've established a clear topic and outlined both sides of the argument effectively.
Logical Structure
Your essay has a good logical structure, making it easier to follow your line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: