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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of the problem and what measure could be taken to solve it?

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In some countries, the average
weight
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 of
people
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 is increasing, and their
health
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 and fitness levels are decreasing.
This
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 problem is caused by several factors,
such
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 as poor diet, lack of
exercise
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, and busy lifestyles. One main cause of the problem is the consumption of unhealthy
food
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. Many
people
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 eat fast
food
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, snacks, and sugary drinks, which are high in calories and low in nutrients.
This
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 kind of
food
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 can lead to
weight
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 gain and
health
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 problems,
such
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 as diabetes and heart disease.
Additionally
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,
people
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 are often too busy with work or school to cook healthy meals, so they choose quick and easy options that are not good for their
health
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. Another reason for the increase in
weight
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 is the lack of physical activity. With the rise of technology, many
people
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 spend long hours sitting in front of screens, whether it's for work or entertainment.
This
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 reduces the amount of
exercise
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people
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 get, making it easier to gain
weight
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 and harder to stay fit. To solve
this
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 problem, it is important to promote healthy eating habits and physical activity. Governments can encourage
people
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 to eat more fruits and vegetables by offering healthy
food
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 options in schools and workplaces. Schools can
also
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 include more sports and physical education classes to help children stay active.
People
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 should
also
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 be educated about the dangers of an unhealthy lifestyle and the benefits of regular
exercise
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 and a balanced diet. In conclusion, unhealthy eating habits and lack of
exercise
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 are the main causes of
weight
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 gain and poor
health
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. By making changes to our diet and lifestyle, we can improve
health
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 and fitness levels in many countries.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the proposed solutions with more specific examples or possible outcomes to give your ideas more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transition is smooth. While coherence is generally strong, a brief linking phrase between the discussion of causes and solutions could enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize and bookend the discussion.
task achievement
Main points are clearly stated and supported with relevant examples, ensuring that the argument remains focused and compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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