In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be outdoors after a particular time at night unless they are with an adult? What is your opinion about this?
In many places around the United States, a child who is between the ages of 13 and 19 is expected to be given a midnight curfew or be accompanied by a grown-up. I agree that parents should impose
this
rule for the benefit of their children because it ensures their safety and helps parents succeed in bringing them up.
It is a common belief that staying out at night could be fraught with unexpected dangers. This
is because the overall
crime rate is much higher than ever before, and teenagers ought to obey the curfew or they may become the victims of these serious crimes. That is
to say, they could be extorted, robbed of their properties, or, at worst, ruthlessly murdered. For example
, recent research showed that secondary students who do not return home until early in the morning fall prey to human trafficking.
One of the primary aims of this
rule is to work towards a proper upbringing. The main reason is that if minors manage to stick to the given time, they will stand a good chance of cultivating rock-solid self-discipline. As a result
, they could organize their time more effectively, raise concerns about self-protection, or be able to resist the temptation to go home late. For instance
, Will Jackson, a child psychologist, claimed that juveniles who strictly follow the time limit are more well-brought-up and careful than their peers.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the imposition of a curfew does play a vital role in keeping teenagers safe and offering them good parenting.Submitted by banhbao0565 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Strengthen the variety of linking phrases used to build coherence. Your essay benefits greatly from a logical flow, but enhancing the range of cohesive devices will offer improved readability and sophistication.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of examples to support your arguments. Your current examples are relevant but adding more variety or specificity could further strengthen your essay's persuasiveness and depth.
Coherenece & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, clearly expressing your stance and summarizing key points, which contributes to a strong and cohesive structure.
Task Achievement
Good job on sticking closely to the topic and providing a clear response to the prompt. Your arguments are relevant and well-supported, fulfilling the task's requirements.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite