Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
There are numerous processed
foods
which are high in sugar and increase the risk of health problems for people
. A group of individuals presented the view that it is better to raise the price of products with high sugar levels to motivate people
to eliminate their use of such
goods. I strongly disagree with this
idea.
It is my view that deciding what kinds of food to consume is a personal decision and everyone is responsible for his choice. It is preferable if people
would be educated about lifestyle from an early age in schools including, introducing them to how it is beneficial if they eat nutritious foods
as well as
what the long-term consequences of consuming unhealthy foods
are. Therefore
, would have sufficient knowledge to make informed decisions to have a healthy diet and they probably avoid eating poor nutrition food such
as sugary, salty or fatty foods
.
In contrast
, some individuals claim that raising the prices of sugary foods
is going to help decrease their consumption as people
, especially the ones who have lower incomes, might not be able to afford to purchase them. However
, nothing can justify forcing people
to do what they do not like. In this
way, they are more likely to reduce their expenditure on other staff even proteins, fruits or other healthy goods to just be able to purchase what they want.
In conclusion, I completely disagree with the idea of making expensive sugary foods
to prevent people
from buying and using them. Because it is an obvious form of freedom violation.Submitted by samira.nezhadamin on
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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. While your essay presents clear arguments, including more detailed examples could strengthen your position and make your ideas more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the variety of your linking words to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay has a good structure, using a wider range of cohesive devices could make the progression of ideas even smoother.
Task Achievement
Reflect further on how you can present both sides of the argument in a balanced way, even if you strongly agree or disagree. Doing so can add depth to your essay and demonstrate an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids the logical flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
You've successfully conveyed a strong stance on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay does well to keep the reader engaged by being clear and to the point about your view on the issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite