Some people belive that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #belive #information #criminals

It is a common belief that the private

information

of violent

criminals

should not be opened to the public

due to

their human

rights

However

, it is a more persuasive argument that the personal

information

of capital

criminals

should be made available to the public to

proect

Correct your spelling

prevent

reoffending crimes in the future. On the one hand, some people insist that keeping offender's human

rights

are more important. They have

Correct article usage

the rights

show examples

rights

Fix the agreement mistake

right

show examples

to survive because they need to make a living in society.

However

this

can make people feel very

unsatety

Correct your spelling

unsafe

unsafety

For instance

, in Korea, the offender's personal

information

is not revealed unless they

comma it

Correct your spelling

commit

show examples

the capital crimes

such

as a sexual

cirme

Correct your spelling

crime

or murder.

However

, the

vicitims

Correct your spelling

victims

feel very

unsafety

Correct your spelling

unsafe

show examples

and unstable when they hear that the

criminals

are out

from

Change preposition

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

jail.

Furthermore

according to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

recent study,

this

cannot reduce the criminal rates.

On the other hand

it is clear that

revealing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the criminal's personal

information

is able to protect the possibility of reoffending and

also

can eliminate the possibility of future victims.

For example

, in America, most of the violent

offeneder's

Correct your spelling

offender's

offenders

private

information

should be made available to the public.

This

is actually effective

for

Change preposition

show examples

reducing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime rates.

To sum up

while

it is apparent that the criminal's private

information

should be protected

due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

humman

Correct your spelling

human

rights

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it is undeniable that opening

criminals

Change noun form

criminals'

criminal's

show examples

information

can prevent reoffending and make more

safe

Correct word choice

safer

show examples

Submitted by hmhy0326 on Wed Apr 17 2024

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Detail and Depth

Clarify and expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations. Your argument would be stronger with a deeper examination of each side.

Grammar and Vocabulary

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Strive for a more balanced discussion of both views before presenting your own opinion. Ensuring each viewpoint is thoroughly explored will improve the completeness of your response.

Structure and Flow

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Introduction and Conclusion

You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument well.

Use of Examples

You presented relevant examples to support your argument, which helps in illustrating your points effectively, even if detailing could be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

238 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people belive that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training) Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.