IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people belive that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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It is a common belief that the private
information
Use synonyms
 of violent
criminals
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 should not be opened to the public
due to
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 their human
rights
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.
However
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, it is a more persuasive argument that the personal
information
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 of capital
criminals
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 should be made available to the public to
proect
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prevent
 reoffending crimes in the future. On the one hand, some people insist that keeping offender's human
rights
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 are more important. They have
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Correct article usage
the rights
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rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to survive because they need to make a living in society.
However
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,
this
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 can make people feel very
unsatety
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unsafe
unsafety
.
For instance
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, in Korea, the offender's personal
information
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 is not revealed unless they
comma it
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commit
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 the capital crimes
such
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 as a sexual
cirme
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crime
 or murder.
However
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, the
vicitims
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victims
 feel very
unsafety
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unsafe
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 and unstable when they hear that the
criminals
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 are out
from
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of
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a
Remove the article
apply
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jail.
Furthermore
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,
according to
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 recent study,
this
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 cannot reduce the criminal rates.
On the other hand
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,
it is clear that
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 revealing
of
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apply
show examples
the criminal's personal
information
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 is able to protect the possibility of reoffending and
also
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 can eliminate the possibility of future victims.
For example
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, in America, most of the violent
offeneder's
Correct your spelling
offender's
offenders
 private
information
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 should be made available to the public.
This
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 is actually effective
for
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in
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 reducing
the
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apply
show examples
crime rates.
To sum up
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,
while
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 it is apparent that the criminal's private
information
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 should be protected
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humman
Correct your spelling
human
rights
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,
but
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apply
show examples
it is undeniable that opening
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criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
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information
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 can prevent reoffending and make more
safe
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
.

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Detail and Depth
Clarify and expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations. Your argument would be stronger with a deeper examination of each side.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Pay attention to refining your grammar and vocabulary accuracy. This will enhance the clarity of your arguments and overall readability.
Balance and Fairness
Strive for a more balanced discussion of both views before presenting your own opinion. Ensuring each viewpoint is thoroughly explored will improve the completeness of your response.
Structure and Flow
Work on your essay structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
Introduction and Conclusion
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument well.
Use of Examples
You presented relevant examples to support your argument, which helps in illustrating your points effectively, even if detailing could be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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