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Some people belive that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #belive #information #criminals
It is a common belief that the private
information
 of violent
criminals
 should not be opened to the public
due to
 their human
rights
.
However
, it is a more persuasive argument that the personal
information
 of capital
criminals
 should be made available to the public to
proect
Correct your spelling
prevent
 reoffending crimes in the future. On the one hand, some people insist that keeping offender's human
rights
 are more important. They have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to survive because they need to make a living in society.
However
,
this
 can make people feel very
unsatety
Correct your spelling
unsafe
unsafety
.
For instance
, in Korea, the offender's personal
information
 is not revealed unless they
comma it
Correct your spelling
commit
show examples
 the capital crimes
such
 as a sexual
cirme
Correct your spelling
crime
 or murder.
However
, the
vicitims
Correct your spelling
victims
 feel very
unsafety
Correct your spelling
unsafe
show examples
 and unstable when they hear that the
criminals
 are out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
jail.
Furthermore
,
according to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent study,
this
 cannot reduce the criminal rates.
On the other hand
,
it is clear that
 revealing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the criminal's personal
information
 is able to protect the possibility of reoffending and
also
 can eliminate the possibility of future victims.
For example
, in America, most of the violent
offeneder's
Correct your spelling
offender's
offenders
 private
information
 should be made available to the public.
This
 is actually effective
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime rates.
To sum up
,
while
 it is apparent that the criminal's private
information
 should be protected
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humman
Correct your spelling
human
rights
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is undeniable that opening
criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
show examples
information
 can prevent reoffending and make more
safe
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
.
Submitted by hmhy0326 on

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Detail and Depth
Clarify and expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations. Your argument would be stronger with a deeper examination of each side.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Pay attention to refining your grammar and vocabulary accuracy. This will enhance the clarity of your arguments and overall readability.
Balance and Fairness
Strive for a more balanced discussion of both views before presenting your own opinion. Ensuring each viewpoint is thoroughly explored will improve the completeness of your response.
Structure and Flow
Work on your essay structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
Introduction and Conclusion
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument well.
Use of Examples
You presented relevant examples to support your argument, which helps in illustrating your points effectively, even if detailing could be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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