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Band 6.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
In recent days, several states have implemented laws against
age
 discrimination
while
 hiring.
This
 can cause both pros and cons to countries.
However
, in my opinion, I consider
such
 laws to be positive development since the disadvantages have outweighed the advantages.
On the contrary
, a ton of drawbacks when the governments do not allow employers to recruit someone
due to
 their
age
.
Firstly
, if we talk about young individuals, some companies do not allow teenagers to apply for some positions which causes pupils to have no experience.
Secondly
, older workers may lose their salary, leading to becoming poor
due to
 their expenditures, including food, medicine, clothes, education, and many more.
On the other hand
, there are multiple merits. As I mentioned before, business companies do not allow teenagers to their position at their
age
 which means they have only a few experiences or have even not finished high school yet,
this
 can make the student learn more for their knowledge.
As a result
,
this
 can make that country have more intelligent people which can make upward economy and can help the majority of the population to become wealthy. As more geniuses, society can make a lot of advanced progress in their nation.
Moreover
, some elderly person cannot do physical occupations
due to
 their well-being, so
this
 may affect their physical health which is dangerous for them. In conclusion, with
age
 comes wisdom and knowledge but
also
 leads to physical well-being.
Therefore
, legislation for job applications from youth is a necessary and positive development.
Submitted by Jinyada5910 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points made in the essay correspond consistently to the topic and each paragraph focuses on a clear idea or argument. Your essay sometimes drifts away from the central issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are in place, but they need to be clearer and more focused on the task statement. Your introduction could clearly state your position related to the subject and the conclusion could better summarize your view.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task; it seems to discuss both sides and the conclusion appears to take a stand. However, the points you present are, at times, generic and do not fully delve into the nuances of age restrictions in employment. Be more specific and detailed in your argumentation.
task achievement
Work on clarifying your ideas and organizing them logically throughout your essay. Each main idea should be easily distinguishable and thoroughly explored before moving on to the next.
task achievement
Develop your arguments by including more specific, relevant examples that are directly related to the issue of age discrimination in employment. General statements should be substantiated with concrete details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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