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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many people communicate using social media and the internet on a daily basis. However, this had led to an increase in online attacks and cyberbullying. What are some of the reasons why people take part in cyberbullying? What are the effects on the children and teenagers who are victims of cyberbullying?

#people #media #internet #basis #had #attacks #part #effects #children #teenagers #victims
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In modern times, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 have relied on social media apps to communicate,
while
Linking Words
 they had been extremely limited in their means to interact with others in the past. The advent of technology,
however
Linking Words
, underwent cyberbullying. The essay below will explore reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 take part in cyberbullying and its effect on the children and teenagers who are targeted. (with)
To begin
Linking Words
 with, cyberbullying is nothing new. Certain
people
Use synonyms
 have been victims of bullying regardless of their ages and places, and the nature of bullying has not changed.
People
Use synonyms
 struggle to survive and accumulate stress levels that cannot vanish easily, and
this
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 is when bullying happens to release their frustration. Act can vary from direct and indirect, and could be physical, verbal, social, and psychological. any of these could be persistent as long as they find a way to reduce their stress levels. The emergence of social media apps may have even deteriorated the situation where
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from being condemned and they cause mental disorders. By virtue of anonymity in the internet world,
people
Use synonyms
 find it less guilty to denounce someone else than in person.
Moreover
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, Cyberbullying can be extreme easily because
people
Use synonyms
 who take part in can't recognize the severity online, though a visualized damage on victims would let an offender stop an act. The mental disorders of adolescents caused by cyberbullying are complicated to
be fully cure
Change the verb form
be fully cured
show examples
 by the reason that they recall the trauma triggered by some cue, and they will find difficulty in communicating with
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of trust in others.
In addition
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, the experience of being a victim would lead them to be an offender to prevent them from being a victim again. The fear forces them to do something abnormal even if they are not willing to do it.
Therefore
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, the effect of cyberbullying is not only a psychological issue but
also
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 a possibility of an increase in the number of bullying.
To conclude
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, the change in the way
people
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 communicate online has increased cyberbullying on account of anonymity. The treatment for those who are victims of attacks would
last
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 long and they may be an offender to protect themself.
Submitted by takeru2003uk on

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Task Achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments and support your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, synonyms, pronouns) to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and sentences.
Coherence & Cohesion
Keep practicing paragraph development, making sure each one starts with a clear topic sentence followed by elaboration and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review and practice using complex sentence structures to vary your writing and make it more engaging.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have effectively addressed both parts of the question: reasons behind cyberbullying and its effects.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows a good use of vocabulary related to the topic, contributing to a clear and understandable argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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