IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty.

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Since
people
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 have been living together as a community for centuries, crimes and violent actions have occurred, and there are laws and rules to punish those who commit
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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crime
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. Some in favour of capital punishment argue that it is an effective method to reduce the
crime
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 rate in the area,
although
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 others believe that the
death
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penalty
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 is
unbearable
Correct article usage
an unbearable
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 and immoral action to punish criminals. There are both advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 punishment to use in modern society. The
death
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penalty
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, on the one hand, is viewed as an effective deterrent. Once those who committed major crimes are sentenced to
death
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, other
people
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 will have a fear and avoid getting involved in
crime
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. It might give the public the message that some violent crimes are not forgiven.
Thus
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, executions prevent re-offending and vengeance, meaning they can no longer offend after the release .
Consequently
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, it must lower the
crime
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 rate,
however
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, there is no actual evidence of it
according to
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 the latest surveys. Another advantage of the
death
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penalty
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 is that there may be public support for the government.
For example
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, In America, France and Britain, the research was carried out and it showed that a huge number of
people
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 chose capital punishment as a fair method for heavy criminals. Some
people
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,
on the other hand
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, demand to abolish the use of the
death
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penalty
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 for any criminal because there is no major positive effect . The major reason why killing
people
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 as a
penalty
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 should be completely banned is wrongful executions. The
people
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 may be wrongfully convicted and misjudged by the police. It is an irrevocable action
which
Change preposition
in which
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 nothing can be changed. In fact, for every eight
people
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 on
death
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 row, one of them has later been found innocent. The other concern is it may used as a political tool in some countries or against one specific group of
people
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such
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 as poor
people
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 and black
people
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 based on their religion or race. It influences the whole system of the country, and in turn, it leads to chaos and an aggressive atmosphere among individuals.
Lastly
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, some
people
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 that killing someone for killing someone is so morally wrong that it could be replaced by lifelong imprisonment or other alternatives. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 argue that banning executions is a better idea, others think that it is acceptable to sentence
people
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 to
death
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. Both of these ways have advantages and disadvantages.

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task achievement
Develop ideas further and provide more specific examples to support your points. Including statistics, historical examples, or personal anecdotes can make arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Some ideas are somewhat repetitive or lack depth. Further elaboration on the drawbacks of the death penalty and alternative solutions would enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This can be done by using transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely.'
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments, but it can be strengthened by restating the most compelling points and leaving the reader with a strong final impression.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and giving a neat summary.
task achievement
Key arguments for both sides of the death penalty debate are presented, showing a balanced view and understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is generally clear, and major points are broken down into separate paragraphs for easy reading.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
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