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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people today buy ready-made food rather than spending time cooking. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #food #time #development
The majority of
people
 these days go out and they take
food
 from restaurants or street
food
 more than house-made
food
. Because they do not have enough
time
 to spend on the cooking. I think in
this
 way more disadvantage and I will discuss it. The major reason is that nowadays more and more
people
 are running to earn money.
Therefore
,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 do not have enough
time
 to spend cooking. They always think about their occupation.
As a result
, they become a non-communicable disease.
Such
 as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and cholesterol.
For example
, my mam always eats at a restaurant with their friends for a long
time
.
As a consequence
 Now she gets very sick of being diabetic and purser and she takes medicine every day.about the reason she
eat
Change the verb form
eats
show examples
 over
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
 more than homemade
food
.
Moreover
, someone who engages
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eat-out
food
to develop
Change the verb form
develops
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society's background.
However
, they go out because they are society members with an every-weekend out for dinner.
For instance
, my brother, had many friends since he is a businessman. He goes to every mouth overseas to bring things and comes back to dinner out for a friend. Recently he became very obese and he had surgery because his stomach has more cholesterol.
Due to
this
 reason, overeat
food
 more than homemade
food
.
On the other hand
, someone who eats homemade
food
 is very healthy and more beneficial. Because house-made meals for very clean and not used over
time
 cooking oil.
Therefore
,
people
 have a very healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, my grandparents were not going to eat out at restaurants or anywhere. They always try to eat homemade
food
. They live still
good
Correct word choice
apply
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healthy. They don't take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medicine. Because
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 eat homemade
food
. In
concltlsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
people
 who eat
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
food
Change preposition
of food
show examples
 rather than
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
food
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become
a non commiunicable
Correct your spelling
non-communicable
deseas
Correct your spelling
disease
 and
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 have to take everyday medicine. If someone
eat
Change the verb form
eats
show examples
hmoemade
Correct your spelling
homemade
food
 they become a
dood
Correct your spelling
good
 healthy
persone
Correct your spelling
person
.
Thetfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, more and more advantages eat
fore
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 homemade
food
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
food
.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance the logical flow of your thoughts.
Content
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea, followed by supporting arguments and examples.
Grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence in your essay.
Task Response
Refer directly to the question in your conclusion to make your position and opinion explicit, ensuring a complete response to the task.
Opinion
You provided clear opinions and attempted to discuss reasons behind the trend of people eating out more frequently.
Examples
You included examples from personal experiences to support your points, which makes your argument more relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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