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Band 5.5

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meet can cause health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#diet #health
Over the
last
 twenty years, vegetarianism has become popular among various segments of the population. Some people don’t eat
meat
 because it’s considered animal killing. Others can’t afford to buy
meat
due to
 the high cost of
meat
. Another
adopt
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that
meat
 isn’t
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
necessary to nourish our
body
. In my opinion, that
diet
 has disadvantages. In the first place, when
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 limits himself in the consumption of animal protein, they will have health problems in the future. As scientists show, protein
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 all systems of
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
show examples
such
 as
immune
Correct article usage
the immune
show examples
, digestive,
muscle
Correct word choice
and muscle
show examples
 systems. Since a vegetarian
diet
 individuals don’t get daily protein requirements, those who
follows
Change the verb form
follow
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 nutrition are more likely to suffer from overwork during everyday activities or they may get colds more often. In the second place,
meat
 is a fertile source of many nutrients,
such
 as iron or zinc and amino acids. Zinc is responsible for the growth and development of bone and muscle tissues.
In addition
, zinc ensures the normal functioning of the brain. Iron is indispensable in helping to transport oxygen to different parts of the
body
,
thus
 allowing the proper functioning of all
body
 organs.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, amino acids are not synthesized in the
body
. They take part in muscle recovery and in maintaining the health of the skin, hair and nails. Despite the fact that, vegetarian or vegan can partially satisfy the need for proper nutrition, when it comes to health, going for
typical
Correct article usage
a typical
show examples
 vegetarian
diet
 can lead
irreversible
Change preposition
to irreversible
show examples
 processes in the
body
.
To conclude
, the exclusion of
meat
 from the
diet
 can lead to various diseases of any organ
systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
show examples
.
Thus
, I do not recommend completely excluding
meat
 from the
diet
.
Submitted by alexareptile on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
While your arguments are clear, incorporating a wider range of sources or evidence could strengthen your position.
task achievement
Exploring the counterarguments in more depth would add nuance to your essay, showcasing a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Be wary of overgeneralizing the effects of a vegetarian diet without acknowledging individual dietary needs and variations.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully organized your essay, making your points easy to follow.
task achievement
Use of specific examples of nutrients and their effects on the body helps support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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