These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's beahaviour.do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
there
are huge number of Correct pronoun usage
apply
violence
can see
on television and Wrong verb form
be seen
these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
news
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
giving
a bad influence Verb problem
having
to
children and Change preposition
on
to
the whole Change preposition
on
society
as well. I strongly believe that to build up Change preposition
of society
valuable
society, Correct article usage
a valuable
yong genaratins
should be inspired Correct your spelling
young generations
from
good examples and better behaviour.
Change preposition
by
Firstly
, the reasons of
Change preposition
for
violence
are getting increase people's
education and family background. Most of the Change preposition
in people's
students
are going Change preposition
to colleges
colleges
and they Fix the agreement mistake
college
are not only study
. They learn goodChange the verb form
are not only studying
beahaviour
from Correct your spelling
behaviour
there
Correct your spelling
their
scool
. Correct your spelling
school
Wehen
increasing Correct your spelling
When
those
number of Correct determiner usage
the
violence
, it
means the education system Correct pronoun usage
apply
not
done properly. And Add a missing verb
is not
also
there parents also
have avoid
their responsibility as well. In school, Fix the infinitive
to avoid
students
are getting company
Add an article
a company
with
bad Change preposition
by
students
they unintentionally try to do bad things.On the other hand
, the government needs to provide student
camping program as well.
Correct article usage
a student
Secondly
, when we watch the
tv we only can see Correct article usage
apply
violence
such
as,
robbery, Remove the comma
apply
sexsual
Correct your spelling
sexual
harassments
and Fix the agreement mistake
harassment
gun fires
. There is another Correct your spelling
gunfire
reson
Correct your spelling
reason
violence
getting high, once students
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
their
high school they do not have enough Correct pronoun usage
apply
path
to find because of Fix the agreement mistake
paths
less
results. the government should implement some Change the quantifier
fewer
cources
for them too. Correct your spelling
courses
sources
The young
children think the Correct article usage
Young
news
on the tv
Correct your spelling
TV
are
more valuable than being a good person. From the Change the verb form
is
news
they should show what are the consequences when happens after doing the violense
.
In conclusion, I suggest to Correct your spelling
violence
childern
not to watch Correct your spelling
children
violence
Replace the word
violent
news
and try to figerout
essential Correct your spelling
finger out
news
day by day. I agree with this
point and after that children will gather good behaviours.Submitted by lahiru_80 on
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structure
Consider focusing on clearer topic sentence construction at the beginning of each paragraph to better outline your main ideas.
examples
Work on developing your example further by linking them explicitly to the to how violence on TV affects children's behaviour.
grammar
Be mindful of sentence structure and grammar for greater clarity and better flow of your points.
task response
Revisit your introduction and conclusion to more directly address the prompt and clearly state your opinion.
structure
You've effectively used paragraphing to separate different ideas.
content
Your engagement with the topic shows a good understanding of the potential impacts of violence on TV.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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