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Band 4.5

More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do you think are the causes of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

#people #work #patterns #source #stress
Most
people
 believe that modern
work
 causes
stress
. I tend to agree with
this
 idea and I think it is stressful, especially at
work
.
Furthermore
,
employers
 should be encouraged to relax and go on trips by
companies
. Many
people
 think that
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
years
Change noun form
year's
show examples
 new
work
 process is a cause of
stress
 and I think it is true because some
people
work
 at home and at
work
.
Moreover
, they have to go to
work
 during the week and are a source of
stress
. One possible solution to
this
 idea is that
employers
 should be encouraged by
companies
 and they should be available to relax for
employers
.
For instance
, gym facilities, pools, massage therapies and
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
help to relax
employers
. More
people
 claim that modern
work
 is the beginning of
stress
, especially at
work
. A better approach is that some
companies
 should be available for
workers
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
go on trips two or three times a year with their families or friends because when
workers
 go on trips.
However
, it might
work
 better and reduce their
stress
. I think another obvious solution is that
workers
 should not
work
 at home.
For example
, some
workers
work
 at home and at
work
 and it is a source of
stress
 for
workers
. In my book, the workplace is happier. In conclusion, modern
work
 patterns are a source of
stress
. In my opinion, it will be more in the future.
As a result
,
companies
 should
be reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
solve the problem
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 employees
to relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and go
show examples
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 on holidays. By doing
this
, employees are less stressed.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Structure
Try to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Linking
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This includes words and phrases to show contrast, cause and effect, and to add information.
Task Response
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both the causes of stress in modern work patterns and suggesting possible solutions.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This helps to make your arguments more convincing and gives them a stronger foundation.
Focus
Try to maintain a clear focus in each paragraph. Each paragraph should ideally explore one main idea or point related to the question.
Balanced Approach
You've done well to identify both causes and solutions to stress in modern work patterns.
Acknowledgement of the Topic
You have a good start by recognizing the stress caused by modern work patterns.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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