IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do you think are the causes of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

#people #work #patterns #source #stress
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Most
people
Use synonyms
 believe that modern
work
Use synonyms
 causes
stress
Use synonyms
. I tend to agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea and I think it is stressful, especially at
work
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
employers
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to relax and go on trips by
companies
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
years
Change noun form
year's
show examples
 new
work
Use synonyms
 process is a cause of
stress
Use synonyms
 and I think it is true because some
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 at home and at
work
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have to go to
work
Use synonyms
 during the week and are a source of
stress
Use synonyms
. One possible solution to
this
Linking Words
 idea is that
employers
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged by
companies
Use synonyms
 and they should be available to relax for
employers
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, gym facilities, pools, massage therapies and
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
help to relax
employers
Use synonyms
. More
people
Use synonyms
 claim that modern
work
Use synonyms
 is the beginning of
stress
Use synonyms
, especially at
work
Use synonyms
. A better approach is that some
companies
Use synonyms
 should be available for
workers
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
go on trips two or three times a year with their families or friends because when
workers
Use synonyms
 go on trips.
However
Linking Words
, it might
work
Use synonyms
 better and reduce their
stress
Use synonyms
. I think another obvious solution is that
workers
Use synonyms
 should not
work
Use synonyms
 at home.
For example
Linking Words
, some
workers
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 at home and at
work
Use synonyms
 and it is a source of
stress
Use synonyms
 for
workers
Use synonyms
. In my book, the workplace is happier. In conclusion, modern
work
Use synonyms
 patterns are a source of
stress
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it will be more in the future.
As a result
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 should
be reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
solve the problem
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 employees
to relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and go
show examples
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 on holidays. By doing
this
Linking Words
, employees are less stressed.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Structure
Try to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Linking
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This includes words and phrases to show contrast, cause and effect, and to add information.
Task Response
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both the causes of stress in modern work patterns and suggesting possible solutions.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This helps to make your arguments more convincing and gives them a stronger foundation.
Focus
Try to maintain a clear focus in each paragraph. Each paragraph should ideally explore one main idea or point related to the question.
Balanced Approach
You've done well to identify both causes and solutions to stress in modern work patterns.
Acknowledgement of the Topic
You have a good start by recognizing the stress caused by modern work patterns.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • workload: the amount of work that someone has to do Example: 'The increasing workload is becoming overwhelming for employees.'
  • burnout: a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress Example: 'Long working hours can eventually lead to burnout.'
  • work-life balance: the balance that an individual needs between time allocated for work and other aspects of life Example: 'Flexible working hours can help achieve a better work-life balance.'
  • digital detox: a period during which a person refrains from using electronic devices such as smartphones or computers Example: 'A digital detox can reduce stress and improve mental health.'
  • job security: the probability that an individual will keep their job, with a low risk of becoming unemployed Example: 'Job security is crucial for reducing stress in the workplace.'
  • micromanagement: a management style whereby a manager closely observes or controls the work of subordinates Example: 'Micromanagement can hinder productivity and increase stress levels among employees.'
  • autonomy: independence or freedom, as of the will or one's actions Example: 'Giving employees more autonomy can help reduce their stress and improve job satisfaction.'
  • career development: the process of managing life, learning, and work over the lifespan Example: 'Career development programs can reduce stress by providing employees with clear growth opportunities.'
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