Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
There is no denying the fact that
music
is the best way to collect people
of various cultures
and ages
together. While
it is a commonly held belief that music
gives us a sense of familiarity and empathy, there is also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that a significant part of social cohesion is gathering and listening to music
.
To begin
with, needless to say, everyone likes the music
atmosphere. In other words
, there are a bunch of sorts of music
, and plenty of people
are more inclined to classical music
due to
it giving peaceful feelings. In addition
, a lot of countries rely on music
to express their tradition, and recently, music
has incorporated ages
by one sort of music
. For example
, Korea has a substantial number of fans who have different ages
and cultures
, such
as K-Pop, which consists of 5 men, and they have a lot of different music
, and individuals love them.
Another point to consider is that others think not only music
could bring people
of various cultures
and ages
together, whereas
foods and sports are considered a major factor in merging cultures
and ages
. It is also
possible to say that football has a Huge fan from different nations and players are very popular among adults and children. Moreover
, nowadays, we witness a lot of famous players moving to another team, and their fans seem to be cheering for their new team. For instance
, Ronaldo is a famous player soccer in the world and teenagers and older people
, encourage him with all their love.
In conclusion, despite people
having different views, I believe that music
has a vital part in our society, and I could not agree more with this
statement, because music
gives us a sense of goodness and reduces our anxiety.Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on
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task achievement
Clarify some of the main points. For example, the argument about people preferring classical music could be clearer and more explicitly linked to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all ideas and facts presented are focused on the main argument that music unifies people from different backgrounds.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces and concludes the ideas effectively.
task achievement
There are relevant and specific examples provided, such as the mention of K-Pop and Ronaldo in sports.
task achievement
The essay successfully communicates the role of music in bringing people together, showing a good understanding of the topic.