some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor, such as momey and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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present

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the present

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scenario,competitive landscape, the pursuit of

wealth

Use synonyms

and physical attractiveness has gained increasing prominence.

While

Linking Words

few argue that

success

Use synonyms

is primarily tied to one's financial status and appearance, others contend that unwavering determination is the cornerstone of achieving genuine power. I would like to argue both the point of view with relevant examples. On one side of the spectrum, the emphasis on external beauty and

wealth

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has grown in significance in the digital era. Many

individuals

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prioritize lucrative careers in sectors

such

Linking Words

as fashion or

modeling

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modelling

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, leveraging their attractive looks to secure well-paid positions.

Similarly

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, those who amass substantial

wealth

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often equate financial prosperity with personal

fulfillment

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fulfilment

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and societal esteem. It is not uncommon to see affluent

individuals

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flaunting their material possessions as symbols of

success

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Conversely

Linking Words

, the significance of hard work and ambition in attaining

success

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should not be underestimated.

Individuals

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who wholeheartedly commit themselves to their education or professions with perseverance and dedication are more likely to realize their objectives.

For example

Linking Words

, students invest considerable effort in their studies before embarking on their careers, showcasing their dedication to future pursuits.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, many accomplished entrepreneurs attribute their achievements to unwavering determination and resilience in pursuing their passions, even in the face of adversity. In conclusion,

while

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the allure of

wealth

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and physical attractiveness may be appealing in contemporary society, it is ultimately one's determination and diligence that pave the path to genuine

success

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. Irrespective of external factors,

individuals

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who demonstrate steadfast commitment and perseverance are more likely to actualize their aspirations and experience enduring

fulfillment

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fulfilment

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nandiniklakshmanWed Apr 17 2024

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Structure

Great job in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This greatly aids in presenting your argument in a logical manner.

Detail

Consider adding more specific examples or data to support your viewpoints. Doing so can make your arguments even more compelling and improve the quality of your essay.

Development

Try to avoid general statements and focus on developing your ideas with more depth. This can be achieved by giving more detailed examples or explaining the reasons behind each viewpoint more thoroughly.

Balance

You've shown a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your own opinion, which is excellent for Task Achievement.

Linking

Your use of linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs helps maintain flow and coherence throughout the essay.

Conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reiterates your stance, wrapping up the essay nicely.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor, such as momey and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Having police officers patrolling the streets is often considered an essential way to to reduce crime. How effective do you think police street patrolling are?. What other ways to reduce crime can you purpose?

In some countries, the government pays for health care. In others, the individual must pay for their own health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each system.