some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor, such as momey and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
At
Change preposition
In
present
scenario,competitive landscape, the pursuit of Add an article
the present
wealth
and physical attractiveness has gained increasing prominence. While
few argue that success
is primarily tied to one's financial status and appearance, others contend that unwavering determination is the cornerstone of achieving genuine power. I would like to argue both the point of view with relevant examples.
On one side of the spectrum, the emphasis on external beauty and wealth
has grown in significance in the digital era. Many individuals
prioritize lucrative careers in sectors such
as fashion or modeling
, leveraging their attractive looks to secure well-paid positions. Change the spelling
modelling
Similarly
, those who amass substantial wealth
often equate financial prosperity with personal fulfillment
and societal esteem. It is not uncommon to see affluent Change the spelling
fulfilment
individuals
flaunting their material possessions as symbols of success
.
Conversely
, the significance of hard work and ambition in attaining success
should not be underestimated. Individuals
who wholeheartedly commit themselves to their education or professions with perseverance and dedication are more likely to realize their objectives. For example
, students invest considerable effort in their studies before embarking on their careers, showcasing their dedication to future pursuits. Furthermore
, many accomplished entrepreneurs attribute their achievements to unwavering determination and resilience in pursuing their passions, even in the face of adversity.
In conclusion, while
the allure of wealth
and physical attractiveness may be appealing in contemporary society, it is ultimately one's determination and diligence that pave the path to genuine success
. Irrespective of external factors, individuals
who demonstrate steadfast commitment and perseverance are more likely to actualize their aspirations and experience enduring fulfillment
.Change the spelling
fulfilment
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Structure
Great job in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This greatly aids in presenting your argument in a logical manner.
Detail
Consider adding more specific examples or data to support your viewpoints. Doing so can make your arguments even more compelling and improve the quality of your essay.
Development
Try to avoid general statements and focus on developing your ideas with more depth. This can be achieved by giving more detailed examples or explaining the reasons behind each viewpoint more thoroughly.
Balance
You've shown a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your own opinion, which is excellent for Task Achievement.
Linking
Your use of linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs helps maintain flow and coherence throughout the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reiterates your stance, wrapping up the essay nicely.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite