IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your option.

It is a widely held view that a higher education is mandatory to build a good
career
Use synonyms
.
However
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, some individuals oppose
this
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, saying that starting to work straight after school graduation is a better option. I personally strongly agree with the former idea , as a diploma is a key to successful employment.
To begin
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 with, graduating from a university or college provides people with more job opportunities and, in most cases, higher salaries. Employees with a degree are sought by the majority of companies.
Moreover
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, in recent years, the rivalry between job applicants is rising rapidly, and, as statistics show, the ones who completed the university program are more likely to be chosen.
For example
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, in many countries,
such
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 as Canada and the USA, a graduation certificate is an indicator of status and dignity. Without it, individuals are not able to make a prosperous
career
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.
On the other hand
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, entering the workforce immediately after completing basic education offers several advantages. One significant benefit is the opportunity to gain practical experience and develop job-specific skills early on, which can lead to faster
career
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 advancement.
For instance
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, by starting work sooner, individuals can achieve financial independence at a younger age, allowing them to support themselves and possibly even save for future goals. Earning an income early can
also
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 provide a sense of responsibility and confidence that comes from managing one’s own finances.
Moreover
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, some people discover their true
career
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 interests through hands-on experience, which can be more effective than years of theoretical study. In conclusion, even though someone may think that a good
career
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 may be built without a degree, I am confident that having one is a crucial part of being successful in the future. Working without having a higher education is temporary. Those people are preferable as long as they are young and active. When they become older, the only way for them to find a job is to have a graduation certificate.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear, but it could be improved with a more specific thesis statement that directly addresses both views before giving your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly links to your main argument. Use connectives to guide the reader through your ideas, such as 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', or 'In summary'.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific job roles that require a degree or specific companies that prefer graduates.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion is good, but it would be stronger if you summarized the main points briefly before restating your opinion.
Task Achievement
You have presented both views clearly and provided your own opinion, which is good for task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
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