These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's beahaviour.do you agree or disagree?

Recently, there
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been plenty of inappropriate information that
children
can access without any filter from many media,
such
as
violence
. In
this
essay, I will explore both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
to assess the extent to which everyone should pay attention to
children
who
got
Verb problem
have
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an exposed
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
violence
since
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age
. There are valid concerns regarding its negative impact on
children
’s
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
in the future.
Firstly
,
children
who see any
violence
since
Change preposition
at
show examples
earlier
Correct article usage
an earlier
show examples
age
will be growing up with trauma. Later, they are prone
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
having a mental health disease.
Also
,
children
who still not dealing with their trauma will likely for having lower
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
than their peers.
This
can lead child
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad academic performance during their school
age
and it can be a serious issue.
Secondly
,
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
learns from what they see.
Children
who do not have any
Replace the word
guidance
show examples
guide
Replace the word
guidance
show examples
from adults will see
violence
as a common thing to express their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
.
This
is a big issue because
children
will act and do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
without thinking that what they do
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
completely
Add an article
a completely
the completely
show examples
wrong thing. Different forms of abuse might appear every single day in the future. Other people might
be disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
and say that exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
violence
since
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
young
age
will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
their
self awareness
Add a hyphen
self-awareness
show examples
.
For example
,
children
who used to see
violence
will make them know whether it is a bad or good thing since earlier. Because of that, as they grow up, they will experience some guilty
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
and prevent them from doing
violence
.
Moreover
, other people believe that
children
should know many things before their school
age
, including
violence
, to make sure they are going to be brave
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
report any
violence
that they see later. In conclusion, I believe that exposure to
violence
from
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
is affected negatively. Parents should guide their
children
to prevent any harm that might be a problem in the future.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs clearly, marking your introduction, main body, and conclusion more distinctly.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and evidences to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well by engaging with the topic and providing a clear personal stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitizes
  • imitate
  • aggressive behaviors
  • fear and anxiety
  • overall mental health
  • social skills
  • increased aggression
  • healthy relationships
  • academic performance
  • increased stress
  • distraction
  • negative influence
  • exposure to violence
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