IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smart phones and other similar electronic gadgets have reduced the contact between friends. Discuss how far you agree with this statement. #phones #gadgets #contact #friends

#phones #gadgets #contact #friends
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Due to
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 the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way
therefore
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 the lifestyle of
people
Use synonyms
 has changed a lot in the past few years . In the midst of change ,
people
Use synonyms
 come with new modern gadgets to make our lives easier and
comfortable
Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
show examples
 . Smartphones play an integral role in our lives . There are so many
people
Use synonyms
 who believe that smart gadgets have decreased face-to-face meetings between friends . Society has been divided by the distinct mindsets of
people
Use synonyms
. A colossal number of folks believe modern technology is a blessing to human society
while
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on the contrary
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 , some citizens claim that it has a negative impact on society . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the statement
as well as
Linking Words
 proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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task achievement
Expand your discussion by presenting balanced arguments for both the positive and negative impacts of smartphones on friendship and personal contact. Providing specific examples or citing real-life scenarios could add depth to your essay and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. This could include separate paragraphs for arguments supporting the impact of smartphones, opposed viewpoints, and your own perspective or conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This enhances the flow of your essay and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a clear introduction stating your intention to explore both sides of the argument, which sets a good foundation for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a good effort to cover different perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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