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Band 1.5

Developed countries should help poor nations . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #nations
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way
therefore
 the lifestyle of people has changed a lot. Metropolitan cities become
advenced
Correct your spelling
advanced
 with the help of development
on the contrary
 there are some poor
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are still behind in the race
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 development . One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of people who believe that developed countries should help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
undeveloped nations . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion but somewhere I vehemently Agree with the notion . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the statement
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my notion.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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task achievement
The introduction starts with a general statement that is relevant and engages with the topic effectively, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the question.
task achievement
Try to develop your points with specific examples and explanations. This helps to substantiate your arguments and provides a stronger basis for your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more cohesive structure by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. This includes having distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections.
coherence cohesion
In coherence and cohesion, linking words are used but could be utilized more effectively to make the progression of ideas smoother and more logical.
task achievement
Your engagement with the topic is evident and you demonstrate a clear position throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to provide an overview of both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Good use of an introductory sentence to set the context for the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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