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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some say that the standard of behaviour among children has worsened and that this is their parents' fault; others say that schools are to blame. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#say #behaviour #children #parents #fault #schools
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The debate over whether
parents
 are guilty of the deterioration of
children
's attitudes or if schools are to be accused remains contentious. Some argue that
parents
 play a crucial role in bringing up their offspring
while
 the opponents of
this
 view are firm in their belief that schools shape youngsters' personality.
This
 essay will elucidate both viewpoints and offer a personal perspective.
To begin
 with, it is evident that
parents
 serve as role models for their
children
.
In other words
, the youth imitate their
parents
' actions,believing these actions are appropriate in society.
For instance
,it is widely accepted if
parents
 smoke, it is highly likely that their
children
 will take up
this
 habit.
This
 illustrates how
children
's behaviour is influenced by their
parents
.
Furthermore
, the majority of
children
 struggle with the ignorance of their
parents
 who devote a large proportion of their leisure time to social media like Instagram rather than bringing up their offspring. Statistics show that
children
 who lack parental guidance tend to develop their manners by copying others in society, causing the youth to adopt bad attitudes
such
 as violence.
Nevertheless
, the proponents of the view that school plays a crucial role in
children
's attitudes believe that
children
 face peer pressure in these places.
This
 causes
children
 to develop inappropriate behaviour in order to survive in
such
 an environment. It is frequently reported that some
children
 misbehave
due to
 the impact of their peers.
Additionally
, most educational settings are crowded places, making it impossible for teachers to monitor each student's manner, leading to a loss of control over the youth.
To sum up
,
although
 I concur that schools can impact
children
's character to some extent, I strongly believe that
parents
 play a more crucial part in shaping
children
's
overall
 behaviour.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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relevant specific examples
While your essay presents a strong case for both sides, try integrating slightly more specific examples to enhance your arguments. For instance, consider citing a well-known study or expert opinion about parental influence.
logical structure
To improve coherence, ensure that you're consistently linking back to the central question throughout your paragraphs. This will maintain focus and prevent any drift in argument.
complete response
Your essay effectively discusses both views and reaches a clear conclusion, which thoroughly addresses the task.
logical structure
The structure of your essay is clear and logical, with distinct paragraphs for each point.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion provide a solid framework for your essay, clearly setting the scene and summarizing your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influencers
  • mimic actions
  • instilling discipline
  • overindulge
  • set boundaries
  • broken homes
  • emotional support
  • shaping behavior
  • substantial amount of time
  • large class sizes
  • code of conduct
  • discipline policy
  • environmental factors
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
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