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Writing Samples
Band 6

Topic: Obesity is becoming a serious issue in many countries. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be implemented?

#topic #obesity #countries
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Obesity
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 is a growing problem in many parts of the world. The main causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue are unhealthy eating habits and a lack of
exercise
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.
However
Linking Words
, it can be solved through education about healthy lifestyles and better urban planning to encourage physical activity. One of the main reasons for
obesity
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 is the consumption of unhealthy foods. Many
people
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 eat fast food because it is cheap and convenient, but these meals are high in fat, sugar, and calories.
For example
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, eating burgers or fried chicken regularly can lead to weight gain. Another cause is the lack of
exercise
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. Nowadays,
people
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 often work in offices and spend most of their time sitting, which means they burn fewer calories. To solve
this
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 problem, schools and governments should educate
people
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 about healthy lifestyles.
For example
Linking Words
, children can learn about good nutrition in school, which may help them avoid
obesity
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 as adults. Another solution is to create more parks and bike lanes in cities so that
people
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 can
exercise
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 easily. If
people
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 have access to safe places to walk or run, they will be more active. In conclusion,
obesity
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 is mainly caused by eating unhealthy foods and not exercising enough. These problems can be solved by teaching
people
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 about healthy living and improving cities to make
exercise
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 easier.
Submitted by mahmoudbenjawad on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Expand on the solution section with more varied and creative ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction outlining the main causes and solutions of obesity.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are logical and easy to follow, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task, mentioning both causes and solutions.
task achievement
Arguments are well-supported by logical reasoning, particularly in the discussion of causes and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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