IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

#future #cars #buses #trucks #driverless #people #vehicles #passengers
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In the future era, transportation will undergo considerable changes. All
vehicles
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 will be driven without drivers and travellers will be the only individuals who use these
vehicles
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.
While
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 there are some disadvantages associated with
driverless
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 transportation, I believe the main advantages are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential drawback of the widespread use of
driverless
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vehicles
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 may be a rise in the unemployment rate. People whose occupations are related to driving will be derived out of business (
such
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 as taxi drivers).
Therefore
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, they may face serious problems from financial issues to mental disorders. Another perceived negative is that the speed of the Internet in numerous deprived areas is challenging.
Moreover
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, nowadays, people who live in developing countries may not have access to the Internet. Since
driverless
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vehicles
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 are reliant on the Internet and navigation apps, they are unable to work in some regions.
On the other hand
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, a primary benefit of
driverless
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vehicles
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 is that they contribute to the protection of the environment. From an environmental perspective, renewable energy resources will be replaced with fossil fuels.
This
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 may result in a decrease in global temperatures and the environmental impacts of global warming. A
further
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 advantage is safer driving on the roads.
In other words
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, the number of car accidents will decrease because people who drive carelessly are not compelled to drive on their own.
Consequently
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, the casualties of
such
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 disastrous accidents will decline notably.
For example
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, in Iran, approximately 27,000 individuals are being killed
due to
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 car accidents. On balance, it is true that
driverless
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vehicles
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 would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
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, in my view, its benefits in terms of environmental preservation and safety override the disadvantages.
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your essay, consider expanding on how driverless vehicles might be improved to mitigate job loss and address technological disparities. This would strengthen your argument by showing consideration for the disadvantages while still supporting the overarching advantage of driverless technology.
Task Achievement
Adding more specific examples or data, especially when discussing the advantages of driverless vehicles, could help illustrate your points more vividly. This might include studies, projected statistics, or real-world trials of driverless vehicles.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases that show contrast, concession, and cause-effect relationships. This will make your argument flow more smoothly and appear more cohesive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revising the sentence structures to vary complexity and avoid repetitive patterns. This will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging disadvantages while arguing that the advantages are more substantial.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively bookend your argument, demonstrating good structure in your essay.
Task Achievement
The use of a specific example (Iran's car accident statistics) adds credibility to your argument and is a good demonstration of how to effectively use examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • driverless vehicles
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • increased safety
  • reduced traffic congestion
  • improved efficiency
  • accessibility
  • disabled
  • elderly
  • job displacement
  • privacy concerns
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