Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

With the advent of technological improvements, most children have been inclined to allocate most of their time
on
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to
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their mobile phones. A lack of social skills is the major reason behind
this
prevalence. I believe that
this
is a negative development because spending hours on screen can adversely impact children’s physical health. There are many juveniles around the world who suffer from developing social skills, and,
therefore
, they might find
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
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effective and easier to give the preference to use their phones
instead
of being sociable.
For example
, when children who are obsessed with their voices and appearance encounter difficulties
to find
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in finding
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friends outside, they tend to prefer creating friendships
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the Internet because online acquaintances do not demand communication abilities and revealing their appearance.
In addition
, finding
foreigner
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foreign
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friends is
also
accessible online, and it may give juveniles more chances in order to avoid being alone and unsociable. I consider
this
trend as a negative development because allocating several hours to
the
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apply
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smartphones exerts some adverse effects on the minors’ well-being. First of all, watching screens for a long time
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
highly likely to damage children’s
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
. The particular research in the UK proves that most of the various visual problems in the patients stem from
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
such
as phones and computers apart from natural factors. In conclusion,
higher
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the higher
a higher
show examples
possibility for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minors to create strong friendships
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the Internet
are
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is
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the main cause
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
underlying
this
tendency.
However
, I think that
this
can contribute to the negative consequences in terms of their health.
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example
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. While you touch on important points, including more detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
development
Work on developing your ideas further. For example, when discussing the negative effects of smartphone use on children's health, providing more evidence or examples would be beneficial.
sentence structure
Pay attention to sentence structure and avoid repetition. Varied sentence structures can make your essay more engaging.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
task response
You effectively identified a key issue regarding children's use of smartphones and provided a clear opinion, demonstrating good task achievement.
cohesion
You've made a good attempt to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs, which is essential for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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