In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There is
conflicting
argument Correct article usage
a conflicting
whether
senior Change preposition
about whether
citizens
bring problems for governments. In my opinion, the Use synonyms
advantages
Use synonyms
outweight
the Correct your spelling
outweigh
disadvantages
because they have a crucial role in maintaining and Use synonyms
diseminating
cultural Correct your spelling
disseminating
values
and Use synonyms
become
independent Wrong verb form
becoming
people
.
The increasing number of elderly Use synonyms
people
in certain Use synonyms
country
are more likely to decrease national income Fix the agreement mistake
countries
duo
to the fact that the Correct your spelling
due
government
should Use synonyms
alocate
their budget for their living. In Nordic Correct your spelling
allocate
locate
countries
, Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
Findland
and Sweden, that well-known as welfare state Correct your spelling
Finland
countries
, Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
spent
more budget for their senior Wrong verb form
spends
citizens
. Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
this
policy Linking Words
bring
them to be one of the Change the verb form
brings
most happiness
Correct word choice
happiest
countries
Use synonyms
of
the world and the most Change preposition
in
convinience
places for Correct your spelling
convenient
convenience
aged
population, it Correct article usage
the aged
also
Linking Words
lead
to financial Change the verb form
leads
problem
for the Fix the agreement mistake
problems
government
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, the fact that elderly Linking Words
citizens
are unproductive, compared to young Use synonyms
people
, Use synonyms
it is clear that
their Linking Words
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
bring
more Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
disadvantages
than Use synonyms
advantages
.
Those on the other side of the argument say that senior Use synonyms
citizens
have a pivotal role Use synonyms
for
society, particularly in maintaining traditional Change preposition
in
values
. In many developing Use synonyms
countries
in Asia, Use synonyms
such
as Indonesia and India, senior Linking Words
citizens
have a significant role in maintaining cultural Use synonyms
values
and preaching these norms to younger Use synonyms
citizens
. They tend to be Use synonyms
cultural
broker between traditional norms that Add an article
a cultural
rooted
Add a missing verb
are rooted
from
their ancestor and Change preposition
in
modern
world where Correct article usage
the modern
young
population have to fight Add an article
the young
to
Change preposition
apply
this
phenomenon. Linking Words
Additionally
, it is important to note that they tend to be independent Linking Words
people
who do not Use synonyms
depent
their Correct your spelling
depend
repent
live
from Replace the word
life
state's
budget or financial support from their sons and daughters. Correct article usage
the state's
Therefore
, Linking Words
it is clear that
the Linking Words
advantages
of senior Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
outweight
the Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
disadvantages
.
In conclusion, the number of senior Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
are
not a problem for Change the verb form
is
Use synonyms
government
since they play an important part Add an article
the government
of
Change preposition
in
culural
Correct your spelling
cultural
values
and Use synonyms
more
likely to become independent Add a missing verb
are more
citizens
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, the Linking Words
advantages
Use synonyms
outweight
the Correct your spelling
outweigh
disadvantages
.Use synonyms
Submitted by salwafahanim on
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Content and Development
Ensure a more balanced evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages in your argument to support your opinion more robustly.
Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy, for instance, 'outweight' should be 'outweigh', 'Findland' should be 'Finland', and 'depent' should be 'depend'. Small inaccuracies can slightly distract from your message.
Language Use
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and utilizing a broader range of vocabulary to enhance your argument further and increase engagement.
Support and Examples
Work on providing more detailed illustrations and examples to substantiate your points. While you've mentioned several countries, expanding on specific policies or cultural contributions could enhance your argument's depth.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument cohesively.
Logical Structure
Your essay maintains good logical structure, organizing thoughts in a manner that is easy to follow.
Use of Examples
You've included relevant examples from Nordic countries and Asian countries, showing an understanding of the global context of the ageing population.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...