IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is
conflicting
Correct article usage
a conflicting
show examples
 argument
whether
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about whether
show examples
 senior
citizens
Use synonyms
 bring problems for governments. In my opinion, the
advantages
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outweight
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outweigh
 the
disadvantages
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 because they have a crucial role in maintaining and
diseminating
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disseminating
 cultural
values
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 and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 independent
people
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. The increasing number of elderly
people
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 in certain
country
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countries
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 are more likely to decrease national income
duo
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due
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 to the fact that the
government
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 should
alocate
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allocate
locate
 their budget for their living. In Nordic
countries
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,
such
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 as
Findland
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Finland
 and Sweden, that well-known as welfare state
countries
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,
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government
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the government
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spent
Wrong verb form
spends
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 more budget for their senior
citizens
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.
Although
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this
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 policy
bring
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brings
show examples
 them to be one of the
most happiness
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happiest
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countries
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world and the most
convinience
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convenient
convenience
 places for
aged
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the aged
show examples
 population, it
also
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lead
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leads
show examples
 to financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 for the
government
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.
Furthermore
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, the fact that elderly
citizens
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 are unproductive, compared to young
people
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,
it is clear that
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 their
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more
disadvantages
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 than
advantages
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. Those on the other side of the argument say that senior
citizens
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 have a pivotal role
for
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in
show examples
 society, particularly in maintaining traditional
values
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. In many developing
countries
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 in Asia,
such
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 as Indonesia and India, senior
citizens
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 have a significant role in maintaining cultural
values
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 and preaching these norms to younger
citizens
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. They tend to be
cultural
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a cultural
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 broker between traditional norms that
rooted
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are rooted
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from
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in
show examples
 their ancestor and
modern
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the modern
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 world where
young
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the young
show examples
 population have to fight
to
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Additionally
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, it is important to note that they tend to be independent
people
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 who do not
depent
Correct your spelling
depend
repent
 their
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 from
state's
Correct article usage
the state's
show examples
 budget or financial support from their sons and daughters.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the
advantages
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 of senior
citizens
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 the
disadvantages
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. In conclusion, the number of senior
citizens
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not a problem for
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 since they play an important part
of
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in
show examples
culural
Correct your spelling
cultural
values
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 and
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely to become independent
citizens
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
advantages
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.

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Content and Development
Ensure a more balanced evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages in your argument to support your opinion more robustly.
Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy, for instance, 'outweight' should be 'outweigh', 'Findland' should be 'Finland', and 'depent' should be 'depend'. Small inaccuracies can slightly distract from your message.
Language Use
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and utilizing a broader range of vocabulary to enhance your argument further and increase engagement.
Support and Examples
Work on providing more detailed illustrations and examples to substantiate your points. While you've mentioned several countries, expanding on specific policies or cultural contributions could enhance your argument's depth.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument cohesively.
Logical Structure
Your essay maintains good logical structure, organizing thoughts in a manner that is easy to follow.
Use of Examples
You've included relevant examples from Nordic countries and Asian countries, showing an understanding of the global context of the ageing population.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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