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Writing Samples
Band 8

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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People in diverse countries say to minors that if are hardworking they will achieve whatever they want. Meanwhile, there are some benefits in
this
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such
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 as higher self-confidence and independence
along with
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 several drawbacks like lack of oversight on some occasions which can lead to a hazardous situation. It is widely acknowledged by the general opinion that youngsters need to be assertive and work hard in their childhood in order to get used to that for their future. In
this
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 regard, they can benefit from its positive outcomes
such
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 as boosting their self-confidence in their adulthood because they are probably one of the successful ones.
Moreover
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, it teaches youth that they should not rely on anyone else in their lives and rather be on their own. By way of illustration, many successful celebrities nowadays have a very difficult childhood when they talk about their biography. All in all, even though it may be hard at the moment, it will impact the future in a positive way. Though encouraging minors to be serious and make a lot of effort can lead to numerous achievements, There are some negative consequences derived from spending too much time on their tasks
such
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 as studying a lot and learning new skills which will affect them mentally in their adulthood as psychologists state.
For instance
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, some people are isolated and when they get consultations from the experts they point to their childhood which was filled with loads of tasks and not spending time with the same-age children to play with.
In addition
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, children are not fully aware of their talents when they are young and they try hard at something which they abandon completely when they grow up.
Overall
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, these drawbacks need to be supervised cautiously by parents.
To sum up
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, It is worth mentioning that, the harder you try the better result you can obtain. But we have to bear in mind that it is not exactly the same for children and it has its own consequences which may adversely affect people in their adulthood.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for clarity in your ideas and maintain a consistent point of view. At times, the essay might benefit from clearer transitions between advantages and disadvantages, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus.
Task Achievement
Incorporating specific examples to support your arguments can significantly enhance your essay. Try to include more detailed examples or personal anecdotes that clearly illustrate the points you are making.
Task Achievement
Work on refining your conclusion. A strong conclusion should not only sum up the main points discussed but also reflect on the implications or provide a final, succinct standpoint on the issue.
Task Achievement
Your introduction sets up the topic well and prepares the reader for the discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have effectively used a range of vocabulary and sentence structures, which enhances the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
You demonstrated a good understanding of the task by discussing both the positive and negative outcomes of the belief in hard work leading to success, which shows a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Goal-setting
  • Work ethic
  • Ambitious
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Frustration
  • Inadequate
  • Overemphasis
  • Stress
  • Pressure
  • Mental health
  • Resource availability
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