IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country who visited the gym, by age group and the frequency of their visits, in 2021

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country who visited the gym, by age group and the frequency of their visits, in 2021
#percentage #people #country #gym #age #group #frequency #visits
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph gives information about how frequently individuals in three different
age
Use synonyms
 groups living in one country went to the
fitness
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 in 2021.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 a majority of people said that they never exercised at a
fitness
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
, regardless of their
age
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the proportion of those who visited the gym was higher in the youngest
age
Use synonyms
 group than in the two other generation groups. Looking at the details, nearly seven out of every ten adults in their 30s did not pay a visit to a sports
centre
Use synonyms
 at all 65 per
cent
Use synonyms
, which was the highest figure.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the lowest percentage of individuals who never entered the gym was the youngest people, those in their 20s, at around 57 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, slightly over 60% of those aged 40 to 49 never visited the
fitness
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, one-seventh of the people in the 20-to-29 generation cohort did some exercise at the
fitness
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 several times a week or rarely 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 was about 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 higher than the proportions of those in other
age
Use synonyms
 ranges who worked out at the
fitness
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 as often as adults in their twenties.
Finally
Linking Words
, when we look at the remaining two frequency ranges, exactly the same proportion of individuals of all generation groups trained at
fitness
Use synonyms
 clubs a few times.
Submitted by subin12260 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, fitness, centre, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: