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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #tool #effect
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Several research and technological innovations are ongoing, and in coming years, trucks, buses and cars will become automated without a need for drivers.
While
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 I agree that these advancements are unavoidable,
however
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, I think their side effects will be far greater than their advantages.
To begin
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, the whole world is moving forward and the era of manual labour is diminishing, especially in the area of transportation, and these come with some benefits. One is that transportation would become seamless.
That is
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, with the aid of Google Maps and satellite technologies, vehicles will drive themselves without anyone steering their wheels.
Hence
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, a more organized traffic system. Another one is that since all cars are computerized, it would lead to a significant reduction in road traffic accidents
due to
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 absent human errors.
For instance
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, Tesla company's self-driving cars being used in some parts of America and Europe have proven these facts. Meanwhile, its disadvantages are magnanimous. These advancements could cause humans to become jobless.
For example
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, seasoned drivers would lose their jobs, crane handlers would become useless,
blue-collar
Correct word choice
and blue-collar
show examples
 employees would be replaced with robots. Consequentially, it would drive the larger population to poverty, especially among the lower class.
Also
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, there would be less human capital investment. In the sense that, technical training would become obsolete as only professionals
such
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 as engineers and scientists would have a role in the transport sector industries. In conclusion,
although
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, these are welcomed ideas for the future, I would suggest that human roles in all of these developments should be carefully considered in order to sustain the population's job security at large.
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task achievement
Consider expanding on how automated transportation might impact other areas of society, not just employment.
task achievement
Try to develop the concluding statement with a more balanced view considering both the potential benefits and drawbacks in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of terms; for example, instead of 'magnanimous disadvantages,' consider using 'significant disadvantages.'
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps readers follow the argument.
task achievement
The ideas are developed with relevant examples, such as the reference to Tesla's self-driving cars, making the argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a thoughtful suggestion regarding job security.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Strategic thinking
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Interactivity
  • Motivational
  • Educational software
  • Game-based learning
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Social interaction
  • Learning outcomes
  • Digital literacy
  • Attention span
  • Addictive behavior
  • Inappropriate content
  • Health repercussions
  • Multimedia tools
  • Critical analysis
  • Virtual environments
  • User engagement
  • Psychosocial impacts
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