IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Housing is essential for people. Some argue that the government should offer free housing for people who cannot afford it. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? #people #argue #government #offer

#people #argue #government #offer
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way
therefore
 the lifestyle has changed a lot in the past few years . As the population is increasing at an alarming rate it is a big deal to have a roof on one's head . Having a house is very crucial in the current scenario as it provides safety and mental peace . In the midst of change , it's very difficult to find a suitable place to live as the population rate is increasing rapidly . There are some citizens who Agree with the notion that the government should provide free houses to the poor people of the nation . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion but somewhere I vehemently Agree with the statement . In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the matter
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your score further, try to more explicitly outline your main points in the introduction. This can guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
Task Response
It's beneficial to include a conclusion that summarises your argument and restates your position. This reinforces your stance and provides a clear ending to your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your argument. This lends credibility to your claims and can make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion by highlighting the importance of housing and population growth.
Task Response
You clearly stated your agreement with the statement, which is good for establishing your position early in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: