Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contributions to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is suggested that certain essential workers think nurses, doctors, and teachers are not getting the recognition they deserve and should be compensated better,
whereas
other folks, like movie stars or big-shot company bosses, are raking in amounts that seem way too high considering the nature of their work. I partly agree with given
statements, because essential professions are hard workers, Correct article usage
the given
due to
they influence a person’s self-development and protect them. Other Change preposition
because
people
, although
they do not directly influence a person’s condition, even those same businessmen influence the state of the exchange rate of money so that the state does not suffer from poverty. Therefore
people
should use criteria that should be considered in determining fair remuneration.
On the one hand, some of
movie stars and businessmen have huge fan groups, which create significant market demand. Change preposition
apply
Which
leads to consumption and Correct pronoun usage
This
promote
economic development, so these contributions can’t be ignored. Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
For example
, when certain professions
feel stressed in their work,they can enjoy Replace the word
professionals
by
movies, of famous film actors and let them come back to their work full of energy.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, I do believe that it is understandable to pay more compensation to professional workers,
because they affect Remove the comma
apply
to
personal statements. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, teachers play a beneficial role in our society
, which means they impart knowledge and experience to children, also
instil ethical values into students, teaching
them how to behave and set lifelong goals for them, motivating them to devote more time and energy to reaching their goals. These qualities are vital to the development of both individuals and societies.
The question about criteria, maybe it is about time that Wrong verb form
teach
people
consider a few things. The major criteria
is Fix the agreement mistake
criterion
that
how much a job contributes to Correct word choice
apply
society
,
because they are directly making the world a better place. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, doctors directly affect citizens
lives, and help about 95% of illnesses Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
people
. Thus
, a fair pay system should take into account how much a job contributes to society
.
In conclusion, although
celebrities can promote economic development and inspire people
’s spirits, those complex jobs can contribute more to advancing human society
, so it is worth it for them to have higher salaries.Submitted by dnm.best on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure consistent and accurate use of complex sentences throughout your essay to enhance clarity and sophistication.
Task Achievement
Consider elaborating on examples with more context and detail to strengthen your arguments and support your main points more effectively.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively setting the stage for your discussion and summarizing your stance.
Balanced Argument
Your essay provides a balanced view, showing the importance of both groups to society, which enriches your task response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.