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Band 3.5

In achieving personal happines our relationship with family, friends and collegues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree.

#happines #relationship #friends #collegues #work #wealth
In today's globalised
world
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world,
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 some people consider that
for being
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to be
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 happy it is important to surround yourself with good friends.
However
, others believe it is important to be
wealty
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healthy
 for real
happines
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happiness
. I agree with
first
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the first
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 statement and I will explain my viewpoint. First
human
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humans
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 can not live
withought
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without
 communicating. We live in society and a man need each other. We create
relationship
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relationships
show examples
 with different persons at our schools, universities and at
works
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work
show examples
.
Moreover
, our family members support us in
in
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apply
show examples
different situations, in good and bad times.
Furthermore
, our friends help us to make us right
desicions
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decisions
 in
extrimal
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extreme
extremal
 situations and give us moral support.
For instance
, a friend of mine helped me to come up with depression and to
contiune
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continue
 living as before. Turning to the other side of the argument, from
point
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the point
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 of
psycologists
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psycologists'
psycologist's
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 view
richnest
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richness
richest
 do not help people to be happy.
For example
, some well-known persons commit suicide. It
proof
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is proof
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 that being prominent
do
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does
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 not help them to live joyful life.
Besides
, most prominent people feel unhappy and lead antisocial life.
To sum
up
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up,
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 all mentioned above it is clearly seen that a person can not live alone. It is important for him to make a good link with family members and friends.
Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on

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structure
Work on developing a clear, logical structure in your essays, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider using a range of linking words to better connect your ideas.
introduction conclusion
Clarify and expand your introduction and conclusion to more effectively bookend your argument. Your introduction should clearly state your thesis, and your conclusion should summarize your main points without introducing new information.
task response
To improve task achievement, ensure you fully address the prompt by presenting a balanced discussion of your opinion and the opposing viewpoint. Provide more specific examples and a deeper analysis to support your claims.
balanced viewpoint
You have a good approach to discussing both sides of the argument, which helps to meet the task requirement.
example use
You use relevant examples to support your points, contributing to the overall effectiveness of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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