In achieving personal happines our relationship with family, friends and collegues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree.

#happines #relationship #friends #collegues #work #wealth

In today's globalised

world

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world,

show examples

some people consider that

for being

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to be

show examples

happy it is important to surround yourself with good friends.

However

, others believe it is important to be

wealty

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healthy

for real

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

. I agree with

first

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the first

show examples

statement and I will explain my viewpoint. First

human

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humans

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can not live

withought

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without

communicating. We live in society and a man need each other. We create

relationship

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relationships

show examples

with different persons at our schools, universities and at

works

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work

show examples

Moreover

, our family members support us in

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

different situations, in good and bad times.

Furthermore

, our friends help us to make us right

desicions

Correct your spelling

decisions

extrimal

Correct your spelling

extreme

extremal

situations and give us moral support.

For instance

, a friend of mine helped me to come up with depression and to

contiune

Correct your spelling

continue

living as before. Turning to the other side of the argument, from

point

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the point

show examples

psycologists

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psycologists'

psycologist's

show examples

view

richnest

Correct your spelling

richness

richest

do not help people to be happy.

For example

, some well-known persons commit suicide. It

proof

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is proof

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that being prominent

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does

show examples

not help them to live joyful life.

Besides

, most prominent people feel unhappy and lead antisocial life.

To sum

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up,

show examples

all mentioned above it is clearly seen that a person can not live alone. It is important for him to make a good link with family members and friends.

Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on Thu Apr 18 2024

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structure

Work on developing a clear, logical structure in your essays, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider using a range of linking words to better connect your ideas.

introduction conclusion

Clarify and expand your introduction and conclusion to more effectively bookend your argument. Your introduction should clearly state your thesis, and your conclusion should summarize your main points without introducing new information.

task response

To improve task achievement, ensure you fully address the prompt by presenting a balanced discussion of your opinion and the opposing viewpoint. Provide more specific examples and a deeper analysis to support your claims.

balanced viewpoint

You have a good approach to discussing both sides of the argument, which helps to meet the task requirement.

example use

You use relevant examples to support your points, contributing to the overall effectiveness of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

208 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In achieving personal happines our relationship with family, friends and collegues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole.Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

i. #Environment - Nowdays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced? (IELTS 5, GT)

Some think Government spending on Infrastructure (Transport, Housing etc) is considered the most important for a nation. While others believe that Education, Health and HR values to be more important areas for government expenditure. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.